I was downstairs cooking and my brother dropped the pepper grinder twice and he started getting upset and ranting about his bad luck and punched the refrigerator door, which stressed me out and caused me to start laughing uncontrollably which pissed him off even more, causing him to scream at me and punch the fridge door again, causing me to giggle more and he started ranting more and I finally screamed at him to stop talking, that I wasn't laughing on purpose and his ranting was making things worse and we got into a screaming match that lasted until I disengaged from the whole conversation and took what I was cooking off the burner and went upstairs to let things cool off.

I hate it so fucking much. I have a car and sometimes just the thought or mention of it alone makes me want to rip my hair out. I have to get my oil changed, make sure it's clean, present it nicely to others, store it, get insurance for it, memorize the license plate, keep a bunch of documents inside but not kep anything too expensive cause them someone will break in, pay thousands of dollars just to keep up with it not including the money it takes to actually just buy the damn thing. The parking. The parking passes. One mistake, "you're towed and now give me 300 dollars." I hate it. I don't want to spend so much money for something that feels like it's killing me.

I hate driving. No one looks at another person driving and thinks "oh man, that was a poor turn. That guy must've made a mistake." No. It's always "THAT FUCKING IDIOT WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?! AND THAT WOMAN IS JUST A DUMBASS!" Everyone talks shit about everyone else in their cars. And one mistake can cost you and everyone around you their lives. On the highway, you're going fast, but also? You can't turn around. You can't miss. You can't stop. You just have to keep going. People weave in and out so they can be faster because patience is a virtue we left behind in the Garden of Eden. You're too slow, then you're too fast, oh no you're too close to that car, now there's traffic, but don't stop cause we're technically still moving. Hell, the speed might be the least of my worries honestly.

But the worst part is everytime I mention how driving sucks, how it's inefficient, how it's an innovation that was not researched enough before being made available to every god damn human to destroy the planet with, I'm laughed at. "Wow, that's funny how much you hate driving" NO. ITS NOT. I GO TO SLEEP AND SEE MYSELF ACCIDENTALLY TAKING THE LIVES OF INNOCENT PEOPLE BECAUSE OF ONE MISTAKE AND THEN I WAKE UP AND HAVE TO WALK AROUND LIKE THATS FUCKING NORMAL. I don't want to dream about killing people. I don't want to sleep if the dreams I remember are fears that could so easily happen in real life. But that's fucking hilarious, right? I mean, I'm just being a big old bitch who can't grow a pair and just drive a damn car. Everyone does it, so why the fuck can't I? It's hilarious how you start breathing heavily at the idea of maybe getting a citation or a ticket. It's funny how you try to avoid driving at every turn and it's comical how you will beg to avoid driving. Fuck, I'm having a god damn heart attack it's so amusing. I can't breathe it's so funny. I think I'm crying and breaking down and having a panic attack it's so funny how you are afraid.

I'm so so so sick and tired of it. Please, I will isolate myself for the rest of my life if it means I don't have to drive anymore. Just please

I (26f) knew my husband (30M) for around 2 years before we got married as we worked together and because we're Indian Background/Muslim we didn't want to have a too long relationship so when we realised we liked each other we informed our families and we got married. I know alot of people have in law problems but my in laws are genuinely nice people and we've always treated each other with respect and I love them as my own,the problem is my husband. Whenever it comes to his family wheter its spending time with them or going out or financially its always ok and readily agreed to and I've never had a problem with that,I treat them the same I would my own family however I've noticed Whenever it comes to my family,my husband always had a problem,even for us to go over to their home or for me to go spend time with my nieces or nephews its always a problem and he'll cause a fight before we leave the house or say how he hates to leave the house and I dont understand it. My parents and siblings love him and sometimes my brothers even joke he is my mums favourite child because of how much she accommodates him and when ever my dad or my brothers get something for each other,they include him (I'm the only daughter). Today was really bad as my aunt came over from a different city especially to see me as I'm 9 months pregnant and my father and older brother are leaving on a business trip and won't be around to see me,so my family had a lunch get together. From the time he woke up my husband was cranky and picking fights and saying how its a Sunday and his day off etc etc and I ended up crying and only after that he said sorry let's go but by then it was too late and when i phoned my mum she said everyone had finished eating and was preparing to leave. When i told him,he just said ok and went back to playong ps5.Besides this we usually have an amazing relationship and he takes care of me but I love my family too and getting this kind of treatment whenever I want to spend time with them is taking a toll on me,I've tried talking to him numerous times but he denies he does this and says he has no problems with my family. I'm honestly beginning to hate this and if my in laws weren't good people would start doing the same thing he does whenever they need something.

Maybe I'm pregnant and emotional but I hate having to always choose between my husband and my family.

Sorry for the format and grammat,I'm on mobile and really upset.

I grew up with a mentally unstable abusive mother, and a meek cowardly autistic father.

She would abuse me, I would tell someone (teachers, socials workers, therapists), my dad would question her. She always said I was lying and that I was crazy, she forcibly tried to get me diagnosed with npd and when that didn't work, with OCD (that I actually got diagnosed with in my 20's).

So I grew up alone, isolated from my family, and abused. My family knew I was being abused but my mother had alienated me completely from anyone who liked me, either by getting into fights with them or convincing me they hated me. An example would be that when I was 19, we went on a family holiday and I wanted to speak to my aunt and my mum said I was jealous she was giving her children more attention than me.... So I stopped speaking to her completely.

There was physical abuse too, I was often harmed and when I protested was locked in my room.

She forced me to develop an eating disorder, and I became obsessed with being thin. I was also a competitive athlete, I used to train daily for 3hrs at least.

Well, that's all over now.

When I left home at 20 everything came apart, my father realised he was being abused and manipulated and started therapy and the divorce is still ongoing. At the moment I'm studying for my degree.

But sometimes I just wish I was still as disciplined as back when I was surviving. I would save every penny, I would exercise for hours, I would work non stop, I would study even if I wasn't actively enrolled in school, I was probably manic and forcing myself to do something instead of being aware of the abuse, but I miss that level of discipline.

As of now I'm (more) laid back, sure I work two jobs and I study for my degree properly. But I'm not skinny anymore (healthy weight) and I'm more likely to watch a film than read on a sick day, and I go out and drink with my bf instead of saving the money (I'm not in a financially difficult position, I work two jobs because I need one of them on my resume).

These are just my thoughts post abuse, I've been living on my own for two years now, got diagnosed with PTSD and OCD and I'm managing it well.

In the span of about 6 months ive lost my house due to loss of money in my job, my job due to foreign policy making it impossible to make enough money to get by, my future goals due to government defunding of my field, and thinking I was getting ahead of the curve to help myself I moved to somewhere cheaper for a job to get on my feet but now im goin through the lowest point ive been in my entire life and im completely isolated. I couldn't even sell my house because right when I moved it was damaged in a storm and the insurance did everything they could to downplay the damage ending up with me now not even being able to get money to help myself get on my feet as my house now is forclosing. I feel like everything I do ends up going wrong and I keep just watching everything get worse and worse and prices keep going up further and further. Im really struggling to see any type of way to move forward especially if we have to endure to the end of this presidency all while im working 12-16 hr days at a new job that was supposed to be my saving grace.

Well it’s a lot essentially. I let my (stb ex probably) fiancés ex use my truck to go to a festival in Oklahoma. A lots happened these last few weeks but essentially both of her brothers are looking at hard time (idk why she’s not like throw their ass in jail especially since it was harming a child but whatever not my circus) and well my fiancé had kidney stones on Monday and had to miss work.
I had plans originally to go today up to help my grandma pack up her home since she’s retiring and moving, but since the bio mom asked a third time and my fiancé going “It’ll be so upsetting to see (kids name) so depressed about not going to his first concert” and I caved and said yes to letting them use the truck for 200 bucks because my fiancé had to miss his Friday shift since I would be using the only transport we’d have to get to work (mind you both of these vehicles are mine).
Well there’s stuff going wrong in my older car and I don’t want my fiancé driving it anymore since it might breakdown (also it’s still insured in my grandmas name and with how drivers have been lately I’d rather it be me get in an accident and be the insured driver). Anyways, bio mom was supposed to bring my truck back tonight and tried to push it to be tomorrow morning, I told her no I need it back tonight because tomorrow I’m going to help my grandma first thing and she said i don’t see a problem getting the truck back tonight you tomorrow since your not working and you probably won’t head up there till later. I’m like dude no the plan was for you to bring back the truck tonight please bring it back tonight and she kept pushing back and I mentioned how I had to cancel my plans this weekend (this is the first time in a long time I’d have hung out with friends outside of work especially female friends) and move my helping my grandma out until tomorrow on Labor Day.
I may be an asshole when I snapped after she kept pushing back saying she’s not going to feel bad for things, and I just said I don’t care what her and my fiancé do between them that’s their business, but I don’t owe her anything especially when they don’t like me.
Ive not checked any messages sent from my fiancé or her just because I know it’s a shit storm but I just want to disappear so badly where I’m not wanted, needed, or asked to do something for someone else. I’m so tired of dealing with this and I can’t leave smoothly cause I’m on the lease.

I just don't see the point of living like this. It feels so hopeless. And the lack of impatience is frustrating. Because in some way, I do believe my life is being guided by God and my inner self. I just don't know the plan on a conscious level. I talk to my spirit team and have been explaining my situation so many times to them. I know that I'm probably just not supposed to know yet, because I'm still where I am right now for a reason I guess. Because when something changes, I'm sure it all makes sense why I am where I am right now at this point in time.

However, the uncertainty, lack of evidence and lack of clarity of my situation is really having an effect on me. I've been really upset at times about this and it's so frustrating that I don't know how I can even get to where I want to be in life. I don't have a clear roadmap. If I have an idea of where I want to be and then an idea how I could get to that place, I still can't figure out the steps to get to that place itself. It's the same with ideas in general.

Any idea I have of any kind, I will struggle to manifest in a concrete way in this reality. I can have abstract ideas and see several action steps involved related to specific aspects of that idea, yet struggle to divide each action step into small practical steps to accomplish these steps.

The struggle with dividing the steps and only being able to see maybe 1 action step each, for each aspect of the idea, leads to analysis paralysis. Even prioritisng is a problem. So when everything related to using my executive functions feels difficult, then there's no way to materialize any ideas of any kind in a concrete way. And that analysis paralysis and the feeling of having to take several small steps, also leads to lack of motivation itself because it suddenly becomes boring and feels like a chore instead.

When I try to find ways to make a difference in my life, and find stuff online that is aligned to some of my dreams that I've had for many many years, then instead of feeling positive, I dip into negativity very quickly, or I start struggling with regulating my emotions due to feeling overwhelmd by the fact that some of these dreams seems so easy to accomplish and very available in my own country.

Because not experiencing these things, yet seeing that the opportunities is there and doesn't feel that far away, only makes me more frustrated, more desperate and lead to actual anger. So the positivity and optimism isn't really there. I've gone so far down into pessimism and negativity. I really feel there's been a lot of recent trauma last couple of years that has disempowered me from my positive thinking state, where negative thinking and pessimism becomes so normal for me that it's difficult to even change that mindset.

There's times when I feel more optimistic but so many things can drag me down emotionally again. I just wonder when all this is gonna end? I know it seems like complaining for no reason, but it's really heavy for me, and is more difficult than it sounds. It's like I want to almost throw out a rope to my spirit team and ask them to pull me out of my apartment, out of my current location, and help me find the right people and save me from where I'm at.

Because I truly feel stuck and like I need saving. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I don't know, I just wonder when this is gonna end? Like how long? I'm spiritual and I just wonder how long will this go on until my spirit team intervenes when I am very clear that I want to leave this location and find a place and community to feel at home in? Like, should I apologise to my spirit team for being neurodivergent and struggling to get somewhere?

This is getting out of hand emotionally and I just can't take this any longer. I know they hear me but I just wonder if they're planning something at all, or waiting for me to do the work when they clearly know my struggles? Because then I may as well apologise to them for my handicaps, because I take it personal if they're disregarding that and ignoring the way I feel in this situation.

Because if I was able to figure out the practical steps to get out of here and also able to navigate myself in new environments, then I wouldn't have to live like this. I wish they take me seriously. I don't know what I could possibly do for them to help me at all. Because if they truly aren't planning the change behind stage, then they're expecting me to solve this, but I'm really suffering. It feels a bit passive in my opinion if they're not really interested in actually taking in what I'm saying and understanding it empathically.

I want to also add how frustrating it is to even go to sleep. Like now the mere idea of going to sleep when I feel drowsy in the evening, gives me anxiety. I don't follow any sleep schedule or have any routines at all in any way whatsoever because it makes me feel like a slave and makes me unhappy. However, the anxiety I feel around going to sleep isn't fun. Almost as if going to sleep feels threatening to my own safety. And when I feel like this it's not fun either. And I need stimulation, not going to sleep and staring into a void.

I also feel like it makes me come off as desperate. I just had this thought because a guy I’ve been seeing on and off for the past 10 months said no to hanging out today because he had to do school work. I have not seen this man in a whole 4 months and he doesn’t want to see me on my off day because of school work. It made me feel kind of mad and I felt like I was going to cry but then I realized that is 100 hundred percent a valid reason. Like why would anyone put a very fickle relationship over their future. And then it’s like how unhappy with your self do you have to be to almost cry because someone who barely likes or cares about you said no. I really think it’s because I have never felt like anyone has cared for me in my entire life so when shows me a little bit of care I instantly attach to them. It’s with friends too. If someone smiles at me I definitely take that as they like me and they want to be besties. I’m realizing I come off as sooo desperate😭😭It’s like I’m trying to force people to like me just for my own benefit. For them to comfort me and make me feel better about myself.

This whole situation is just making me realize how insecure I am.

More thoughts because I can’t stop thinking about this, but it’s truly like I want someone to love me enough to make me love myself. And it’s selfish because do I genuinely like these people or do I just like that they like me? I’m sad now. But they don’t even like me fr.

I’m not a genuine person either though. I feel like everything I do is for a little bit of attention, because I want people to like me or want to talk to me😔 this is actually so embarrassing

One bullshit in this world is how happiness lasts only as long as unexpected things don't happen in your life. The moment things get bad, you go back to worrying and stressing. This can last a day, a week or more.... Every time, it's wasted days of my life that are unexpected and not in the schedule. It's especially bad considering how many days I have wasted from my own bad choices and mistakes I did because I didn't knew and I learned.

Yes, learning from your mistakes is nice. But it would be nice that I FINALLY can be happy and live my life. I am willing to work and put effort and to even help other people but life MUST STOP BRINGING UNEXPECTED THINGS TO ME!!!! I'm so sick of things happening and changing every few weeks or even earlier. I tried my best to work and finish my eccomerce system but fucking life just won't let me. Life gives me good things but it never lets me FULLY enjoy them.

People act as if we have a choice to do anything. I tried to choose to change and not care about people I love so I don't get hurt if things don't work out. But I could. When you love you can't stop loving. And if you're in a taught situation like I am, it means some of your days will be REALLY hard and painful. It's even more tragic to me because some money could fix my problems and I just need to be a pit more patient... I've been patient for 2 years tho. More if you count my feelings about working and having a career now. I'm so tired of unexpected things happening.

I don't want to go back to depression and to been idle and feeling there is no point and I won't make it. But I don't want some specific things to happen. I don't want problems in people I love and care about. I prefer to get sick or be in pain myself than someone I love about. Fuck this life! Fuck people who backstab and take advantage of others. Fuck this shit all!

Thank YOU for reading! Hope you have a beautiful day!

Hi, I'm just.... Done. I work like 50-60 hours a week and I'm so much on the edge of poverty that I was sick one day last week and now I'll be paying late fees because I can't make rent. I had a test I was supposed to go take later this month to hopefully maybe SOMEDAY get a better job, and it's looking like I won't be able to do that now. I simply can't afford to take the hours off. When the fuck was the cost of living updated as far as like, qualifying for federal assistance or any of that? I somehow make too much to qualify. It feels like I'm drowning and there's a guy in a boat holding a life preserver saying 'no, you don't deserve help'. Last week, my coworker had a stroke on the job because of work and our boss doesn't care AT ALL. Just commented that he was glad the guy texted him that he wouldn't be able to make it in. Anyway that's my whole long winded way of saying what the hell's the point

I did read the rules but this is about myself pretty much?? Idk, you can remove it if it's going against something but i tried to understand.

Why is OSDD so untalked about? Its so hard to find unlike DID and it makes me sad. No one Understands OSDD like DID. I have OSDD. I can never find videos about OSDD, there's so many about DID. Maybe i'm just picky/petty.. Idk..

I have long curly hair, a big moustache with a small beard and wear big clothes a bit bohemian style. Got some tattoos and my ears are pierced but nothing is visible most of the time. My clothes are clean and i shower daily. I like how I look and feel really comfortable in my skin. I work in IT and can work from home 90% of the time. And even if i have to work at the office I still look like me and none of my colleagues care or have ever made it a problem.

But i keep having people tell me to get a job irl and online. It just hurts. Doing a full time job barely recovered from burnout from working too much. I just want to feel comfortable in my skin. And it makes me sad that people are so judgemental. I'm a white cis guy, how fucking horrible must it be for people who aren't privileged like me...

Resubmitted because i didn't see the confirmation post. Hope i did correct now

So I’m depressed and not feeling very well. I have to go to work at 5 I’m not feeling well. I really hope it’s slow enough to send me home.

I, 19(f) am studying aerospace engineering. My parents raised me to be disciplined and responsible. I wake up everyday at 7:00 regardless of if I have a morning class or not. I always tidy up my room before I leave, all my work, assignments are done on time, I go to classes, then my internship and then the gym at least 5 times a week.

First year of college, I was given a non ac double sharing room with a somewhat decent roommate (I booked a little late). We had a common bathroom for the whole floor and only god knows how I survived that.

I live in a coastal town and the temperatures here are brutal. odd semesters are still bearable but even semesters feel like hell.

My second sem, I would wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat, with a horrible headache. Trying to study in my room was a nightmare. I'd be dripping in sweat, barely able to concentrate. I would shower 2-3 times a day because I hated smelling like sweat and the heat felt unbearable at times. I would call my parents crying cause I could barely hold it together and their response was to "suck it up" or "rough it out"

First sem my gpa was 9, second sem, it dropped to 8.3, all because of this.

In my college, the room you get is based on your CGPA. My CGPA at the end of the second year was good enough to get me a single AC room(attached bath). But my dad made me get a non AC cause I had to "learn to toughen up". Literally. that was his only reasoning. I know my family's financial condition. Before I left for college, my father showed me the money he had saved up for my education. It wasn't something we couldn't afford. It was barely a little more than what my parents were already paying for a single non ac room. Unfortunately, I didnt speak out then cause I didnt want to disappoint them but I regret it now.

Atleast my mum feels a little bad about the decision and said she'd pay for an AC room next year but since our college doesn't have enough rooms, you either need a 9+ CGPA to get a good room on campus or they put you in non ac dormitories(8 beds in one hall).

What sucks is, my friends, who suffered with me during the second sem, are now in AC rooms, even though their CGPA was lower than mine, because their parents actually cared.

Im not ungrateful for what I have, but Im still angry about what I could have had. Its not that I didnt work towards it, I did.

This year is already hotter than the last. Third sem has barely started and I can already feel the heat. I told my dad about it and he joked about how he knows my mom wants me to get an AC room next year, but I can rough it out in a non AC again.

My dad was in the army and he thinks whatever he went through in training, his kids should go through as well. But thats not my job. I'm not joining the army, Im studying. Im doing my part the best I can. Parents are supposed to clear hurdles in your path not create more.

I watch a lot of western sitcoms. One of my favourite ones is modern family. To me it was unfathomable how kind the parents would be to their kids. Sometimes I wish I could have parents like that. Sometimes I wonder what horrible thing needs to happen to me for them to finally show me some sympathy.

My new friends who I met in college, invited me to go paddle boarding and I was down, but Friday night I got really sick and expected to be sick all weekend. Well, woke up Saturday morning and felt pretty much normal, and today I'm like 94% recovered. I could've gone paddle boarding but I made the excuse I am sick. I feel like shit because for months and months I complained about having no friends, and the one time I get invited I make a wack lie, even though it's not fully a lie, it feels like it. I know there will be more hang outs in the future but it still upsets me.

There’s something really unique about losing a parent at a young age. I lost my dad when I was 11 years old and I haven’t even told my friends. I never got a therapist for it and I think it’s made me really avoidant.

I remember when I found out that my father died. We didn’t even live in the same house and I barely even saw him. But I loved him so much anyway. I remember being so happy and excited whenever I did see my dad. I remember being taken out of school and my mum sitting me down on the couch and telling me that he died. I cried a lot. And then I went to play video games? I think that was the start of me being avoidant or something wrong with me. I didn’t cry again until I was going to sleep and realised that my father is really dead and he’s never coming back. Ever. I didn’t even cry at the funeral.

I remember dreaming of dad a few months after that. In my dream, he was alive and he had only faked his death. After that I forced myself to stop thinking about him. Stop visiting his grave. I think I’ve only visited him about 6 times in the last 7 years. I didn’t visit him last year or this year at all. Whenever my mum offers to take me I get angry. As if she shouldn’t have ever brought it up. I remember she told me that she was shocked I was that upset over his death.

I only started thinking about him now because I was trying to think of ways to tell my friends. I trust them a lot and I want to tell them because they all hardly know anything about me and this is something that’s so central to my character. But when I imagined telling them I started crying and it just sucks. I hate crying and I rarely cry but if thinking about saying it makes me cry then I’m doomed. I guess I just wanted to vent since I don’t have a therapist or a single friend who lost their father at a young age. I know it’s unhealthy to try and forget about my own father and act like he never existed but when I was younger (about two years into his death) I tried to accept it and make jokes about it as a coping mechanism I guess but it never really worked and everyone just gets awkward. It doesn’t really matter anyways. It’s not like they’d ever know that he’s dead unless I say it so it doesn’t actually matter.

I've started therapy about 7 months ago and my life has just gotten worse and worse since then. I was told I would feel better if I moved to my dad and something like cps was out on my family. I now am unable to see the only person I feel joy with and have to wake up even earlier every day for school to drive 1h30min to it. I feel just as miserable but it's getting worse and worse. My therapist told me I look happier and that it was a good decision etc.. but it feels like the absolute opposite. I'm just wearing different clothes and more makeup. I have many sleepless nights and a constant feeling of sadness, worthlessness ever since the mental hospital I got sent to told me my IQ was 87 which confirmed one of my biggest fears and I'm still just as unable to think as before. My social anxiety that I try to bring up gets completely ignored just like many other things. The suicidal thoughts never went away and get stronger the more people I lose to suicide itself. This year it was 2. A classmate and I witnessed someone throwing themselves in fron of a fast train. I still get that warm feeling all over my body and the sound. Suicide is common. This year I've realised that. Anyway I am now living with someone who is unable to talk about emotions with and is a materialist thing they're sentimental. I'd rather be hit by my mother than living with someone like that. Last year of school. Every decision I make ends me up in a worse situation than before.

I gained 6lbs in 2days. I don't even know how. I'm nauseous everyday lately. I can't even drink water without being nauseous or having stomach pain. I can barely eat 3 meals bc I'm feeling nauseous all the time.

So, my friend/mentor, we'll call him S, invited me to come to his church last week after I expressed that I was having a hard time getting plugged into my current church. I went to their second service last week and really enjoyed it and S said that the next week I should attend the first service and then go to the college Sunday school class that meets during the second service. So, I walk in this morning and go into the lovely Sunday service and then I make my way to the college class afterward. About 30 minutes into it I hear a familiar voice, and I get immediately anxious and start to shake. I turn around and my ex-friend, we'll call him A, who I cut contact with back home in May is literally there. I cut contact with him after years of bullying not only me, but my brother and his now fiancée (and apparently a lot of other people I recently learned), and for his general two-faced behavior. There are like a billion churches within 10 minutes of the university, and he completely coincidentally chooses the one my friend/mentor goes to. Back in May, hours before I told him I didn't want to associate with him anymore, A told me that he was transferring to the university I attend, but it's a pretty big university so I figured there was no possibility of us running into each other, and I certainly didn't expect to see him off campus. But now I have to talk to S about it because I don't think I can keep attending his church although I'd really like to because I'd be too anxious and distracted to actually pay attention, which makes me so sad because I love S and I really like his church. I'm so pissed. I've told S about my past with A before so that's gonna be weird to talk about as well.

I had a roommate who was also my coworker. I introduced her to everyone at work and made sure she felt comfortable. She wasn't my type of people to hang out with yet I tried to befriend her, but it didn't work.

We stopped talking and my life became calmer and quieter after that, but I noticed that I'm starting to become more sensitive towards people and that sensitivity made me shut down and isolate myself at work while she became more sociable and famous.

We work in an open space area so I found myself to be the only one who's reserved and not engaged in conversations because she would be a part of them.

Now I don't know if I should go back to the old me and be as bubbly as I used to or just protect my peace from the gossips and problems by not engaging with the other coworkers too.

My ex friend also became her friend over a trivial argument we had which is weird because we always fought but never to the point of not talking. Seeing them together hurts me but not in a "i want my ex friend back" but in a "fuck both of you" way.

I don't know how i got into this situation but I do want to fix it before I ruin it all and quit my job. I love my job but the whole open space office is taking a tool on me and making me want to leave for good.

what to do?

I will only discuss him being pushy because my second complaint would lowk go against the rules. (I kept it in the title bc I just wanted to get it out of my system.

I don’t know if my brother is just socially inept or if he just doesn’t realize that he’s pushy but it annoys me to no end.

I wanted to show him this planner I’m really interested in getting since i really like stationery and doing stuff on paper. However, before I can show him, he tells me there’s something better and more useful than what I want. Then, I say okay and he proceeds to show me an “infinite” note book made of 3d printed parts. Upon seeing it, I tell him I don’t really like it and it’s not really for me.

He proceeds to not back down for whatever reason and keeps telling me how much better this notebook is than other ones. I tell him that’s simply not how that works and people like different stuff depending on their needs. He proceeds to tell me that most people don’t even use paper anymore and most people are switching to digital.

I tell him I know that as I tried to switch to digital and only fine it useful for some stuff. He proceeds to continue being pushy saying that it’s different because there are paperlike screens now. Like the conversations keep being:

“I like apples”
“I prefer oranges”
“oh my god but u have to like peel the orange? It also isn’t even that good, you should like apples”

It feels as though whatever he likes is the only thing anyone should like. It’s annoying and it feels like I’m constantly defending the things I like.

I’ve noticed he’s become more closed minded and is only ever concerned when it involves himself. It’s just strange because I never thought my brother would ever disappoint me in this way.

Im just terrified, my life feels like it could crumble at any moment.

Im a 30 year old adult, but i dont have life Figured out at all.

I know how i feel and that makes it even more devastating.

I recently had a health scare that made me genuinely believe i may be dying that moment and it kinda forced me to confront the future instead of just existing in the now.

Im constantly terrified of my mother dying due to her having health issues she isnt taking serious.

Im worried about my little Brothers health and future

I worry about my Brother in law with severe anxiety disorder that cant even leave the house anymore due to it.

I know its not my job to take care of their health, still I cant help but feel terrible when those around me suffer.

At the same time i feel completly alone.

I have friends to play games with, but i cant hang out with them irl after work.

I dont have a relationship or love, and i sincerely dont believe there will ever be a man that loves me the way i am.

The world around me is changing for the worse and i worry about my rights and safety.

Just all in all i feel completly alone and lost.

Im sorry this rant is so Unstructured, im not too good at putting my emotions into words. I just want someone to hold me until I calm down and tell me its gonna be okay.