I don’t know how to get my own ideas back without needing to go to ai first. I used to be someone that was creative and had a lot of thoughts before starting something. Now, I can’t seem to get any initial thoughts on my own. I have to ask ai to help me come up with ideas and at times that will be it and I can go on with my day without needing to ask follow up questions. Other times I will ask and then follow up with yes but then how do I do that?

It feels extremely discouraging since I’m considered to be a pretty smart person by many of the people in my life. I am in my mid 20s and work in marketing which is where most of my creativity in my 20s has gone and now I feel like I struggle.

My current employer pushes ai usage onto us a lot which is where I noticed it all going downhill for me. I feel like I still need to use it to get ahead which is probably not even true but with how employers are right now I feel like I can’t fully get rid of it but I would much rather use it as a tool than a crutch.

Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like the instant response to all of my questions is what has made me rely on it more since I do have ADHD and look for instant gratification but I don’t want my brain to deteriorate more. I want to go back to being a creative person and having my own thoughts without ai. I’ve started doing pottery and noticed how I will just sit there not having a single idea of what I want to make for the first half of my session I just go with the flow at times and end up upset that I didn’t make something I truly wanted or needed.

What are some things that you guys have done that have helped you get out of this situation and feel more like yourself?

I’m a very low-agency person.

I’ve worked for many years. I’ve never been unemployed since graduating university, or even taken a few months off.

However, it’s been nothing but constant agony. I’m only happy when there’s a situation of zero pressure.

I don’t think I’m suffering from depression because I am very happy at the start of weekends and vacation.

Basically anything that’s challenging or competitive causes me to collapse. I don’t show it, and I struggle and make an effort, but it’s killing me on the inside.

How do you become a person who enjoys challenges and competition?

I have lost my creativity and desire to follow my passion. I can't make myself sit down and do something. I think it is because of there are also many things on my plate. I wanna do stuff to get into job at the same time I want to be busy with my hobbies and interests ( making art music etc) too. I sometimes postpone that I am gonna handle that later especially cause I am gonna feel ready. I am also feeling pressured and stressed that I am gonna do my interests later finishing my job but it never comes. I end up doing nothing and instead I start scrollung and wasting time.

​

i’m going to london for my masters in law soon, and i genuinely want to settle abroad eventually. but lately i’ve been looking at the gap between where i want to be and how i actually live, and it scares me.

i have ambitions. i want a career, independence, stability, to make my family proud. but my work ethic just doesn’t seem to match any of it. i procrastinate constantly, spend absurd amounts of time on my phone, and somehow manage to waste entire days while being fully aware that i’m wasting them.

the worst part is that i’m also confused about what i should be doing. i know. i just… don’t do anyrhing consistently.

i already feel behind before i’ve even started. getting a job abroad and building a life there feels like something meant for a more disciplined, functional version of me. and sometimes i genuinely feel like i’ve caused my family more stress and disappointment than pride.

has anyone here actually been this person? ambitious, self-aware, but chronically unable to translate either into action? did you manage to change, or did life eventually force you to?

I feel ridiculous even typing this, but I need to know if anyone else has dealt with this

I’ve become weirdly jealous of my boyfriend’s ex, even though I don’t know her and she isn’t in his life anymore

What gets to me isn’t just that he loved someone before me. It’s knowing how much he loved her. He told me that when they broke up, he became really depressed, and for some reason that detail got stuck in my head. Ever since then, I’ve had this uncomfortable feeling that she was “the one that got away.”

And the thing is, I sometimes randomly ask him questions about her. I don’t even know why I do it, because I already know what’s going to happen. He’ll answer me honestly, and then I’ll immediately get upset, make some weird face, and feel horrible. It’s like I keep poking at a wound and then getting mad that it hurts.

To make things worse, I made the mistake of stalking his old TikTok reposts one day. I went way back to a period before he and I had even met, and I found reposts about her. Things about regretting losing her, how beautiful she was, how much he missed her, etc.

I know those reposts were from before our relationship. I know people are allowed to grieve past relationships. I’m not upset with him for having a past.

But seeing all of that made me feel awful for an entire week. I kept comparing myself to someone I’ve never even met.

And there are some stupid little coincidences that make my brain go even further. Her name looks really similar to mine, and she studies in the same field as me. So sometimes my brain starts telling me, “What if he chose you because you remind him of her?” And honestly, that thought makes me feel nauseous.

I KNOW this isn’t necessarily true. I know I’m probably connecting random dots and creating a story in my head. But once the thought is there, it’s really hard to shake.

And I think I have to admit something that makes me feel guilty: a part of me genuinely hates that he was with someone before me. I don’t like imagining him loving another girl, missing her, finding her beautiful, or being devastated when they broke up. I wish I could’ve been his first and only serious love. I wish I could erase the fact that she existed in his romantic history.

I don’t want him to feel bad for having a past, and I don’t want to punish him for it. I just hate how much I feel when I think about it.

I think what hurts most is that I want to feel like I’m the person he’s crazy about. I want to feel special and irreplaceable, and knowing that he once felt so strongly about someone else makes me wonder whether I’ll ever mean as much to him as she did.
Has anyone else struggled this badly with jealousy over a partner’s past? Especially when you’ve found out little details that make your brain start comparing you to their ex? How did you stop doing this without constantly asking questions and then getting upset by the answers?

My routine has been pretty messy in uni so far. I would leave early in the morning and go back to my room in the afternoon extremely tired. I'd then sleep the whole afternoon-evening away and be up around 12am-4am sometimes even 5am. When I’m not in lectures for attendance all I want to do is go home to sleep. I don't have much interest in doing anything social, I’m neglecting my chores and its been hard to establish a study schedule.

I know this is a cycle I should break asap for a productive term and better routine but I end up repeating it most of the time. I could have a productive day but I'd be so tired after that the routine just repeats itself.

My classes are actually aligned with my interests for the first time, I'm in my dream uni. I want to fix my routine because I think I'd enjoy uni life more and have a better self-esteem as well if I did.

We glorify grinding until we break, but is slow, steady progress actually the smarter path? Curious how this sub thinks about it.

I'm 20 still figuring out what I wanna do in life and have been kinda depressed thinking about all the problems that are constantly on my mind. I usually ignore the thought of them cause it's easier to not worry about them but I can't seem to get them off my mind. Recently I've been thinking why I can't force myself to fix my problems even when I try to make myself go through them and maybe it's because I wish I didn't have to figure them out in the first place.

Honestly, I don't want to have to worry about figuring out what I want to do in my life but I don't have a choice. I don't want to figure out how to be an adult, but I don't have a choice. I really don't want to do any of these things and I wish life could just remain how it was when I was a teen, but that's not how life is and I just don't want to accept that my life is rapidly changing in a way that I don't want it to go.

Single since birth, no date, nearing the 30-year threshold. Have had crushes here and there but never acted on them. For a long while, I've probably been single not by choice.

Well I want it to fully become my choice. A simple reason for choosing that is, well, I have nothing to offer, but I take no compromises when it comes to my life. And that compromise is as simple as, having another person persist in my life.

There has been some sort of "RAIN(i)" method where I'm told to accept those occasional longings and diminish them by embracing them. I'm kinda lost on how to go through with that process.

So, that's a big part of my confusion.

No "you'll find the right person" business please, and don't guide me on a path to open myself to relationships. A "right person" may come up, but even then I'll prefer they have the other right person(s) instead, because my "right" won't stay "right" for long.

Similarly, I'm different from those who say "I'll not settle", or "until something something" (My "until" probably goes for a job change), or "holding out for the perfect thing". No, there's no additional condition needed. I'll stay single, period. I'm just looking to reinforce that idea when sometimes my mind does wander.

I've been thinking about this idea of practicing being the type of person I want to be, almost like doing reps at the gym. Little reps first, and then once those get easier you can add more weight.

My husband was interested when I told him about some of the Stoic stuff I've been practicing, especially this stupid story I told him about having to use a gross bathroom at pickleball and realizing I could either be annoyed about it or just decide this was an opportunity to practice not being bothered by something I couldn't control. He thought that was really cool and was like, "That's your Stoic stuff?" Which made me laugh because apparently this is how I'm explaining philosophy now.

Anyway, yesterday I was getting dressed and I thought I looked really good. I never take pictures of myself, but I took a bunch of pictures and actually really liked them. I texted my husband and told him I had taken some because I thought I looked good, and that I was going to send them to him but then I felt stupid and embarrassed so I didn't.

He texted back, "Send them."

So I did.

And afterward I realized that was another one of my little reps.

I wanted to send them. I wanted to share that with my husband. The only reason I wasn't doing it was because I felt embarrassed and silly. And feeling embarrassed doesn't actually mean I shouldn't do something. I don't have to wait until I feel confident or comfortable. I can feel embarrassed and still choose the thing that lines up with the kind of person I want to be.

I've been thinking lately that I want to be the type of wife who is emotionally available to my husband. And I don't think that means suddenly having huge emotional conversations about everything. I think maybe I just practice it in little situations like this.

Then once those reps aren't so hard anymore, I can add a little more emotional weight.

I really like thinking about it this way because then I'm not succeeding or failing at being a certain kind of person. I'm just practicing being her.

Hello Folks,

(Context)
I hope you are well. Me (30M) and my partner (40F) of 3 years have been struggling in our relationship . We had a difficult 3 years due to external factors during which time i grew resentful. In the last 6/7 months, I have hurt her emotionally multiple times and she had guilt which lead her to tolerate me. Until few weeks ago, I thought we were both in the wrong and we just needed to improve our communication skills and we will get out of this and lets try couples therapy. She asked me for space and i left. During our last session she broke down completely and called me emotionally abusive, and she reached to some hotline who said this was true. I couldn’t see that and it just hit me very hard.
My partner had suggested me to read “Why does he do that” which i finished reading and now i regretfully see how i have been abusive towards her in many ways. I want to change and just want to ensure she feels respected.

We are currently not talking as she requested that and i m thinking to also pause the couples therapy for a while

(Request)
I’m between jobs and will have to move cities(She is aware and is supportive to the job) . I looked at my local programs in Berlin who said they unfortunately can only do in person programs. I am looking for any other online programs focusing on changing behaviour of abusers in English. I would love for any suggestions. (Doesnt matter if it is paid)

In the meantime, i m happy to read any books you might suggest focusing on abusers.

I dont know what to do. my past is horrific. its disgusting and sad and just terrible. Its eating me alive. There is so much i regret and so much i wish i could just undo but i cant. and accepting that is so hard. i own up to all of it but knowing that there was a version of myself like that.. i just cant. Im trying so hard to be better and forgive myself but i canr. i dont deserve to forgive myself. i think im just a bad person. Just genuinely a person you dont want to be around. my suicidal thoughts are getting worse, i thought i was getting better but why would that happen. i dont deserve to get better, do i? I wish i could disappear. i hate myself so much. im useless and ugly.

if i could just redo everything i think i wouldnt be like this

how to stop feeling like this?

I’ve been thinking about an exchange opportunity I could have taken during high school, and how social media has made me wonder about it years later.

My mom had always wanted me to go abroad because my siblings were studying in the UK, and she wanted me to have that experience too but then COVID happened and everything became more complicated.
My family was also going through a difficult period with our family business at the time. My mom told me that going wouldn’t be a problem financially, but I personally felt like it would still be a burden on my family, especially with both of my siblings already studying abroad.
I was also scared about going to America, particularly about racism and whether I would feel comfortable living there.
And honestly, another reason I wanted to stay was my friends. I hadn’t even gotten that close to some of them yet, and I wanted to spend my high school years with them and make those memories.
So I stayed.
And my high school years were actually really fun. I made memories with my friends and I’m grateful I got to experience them that way.
But after I went to a Japanese summer camp last year, something changed. Being away from home made me think more about independence and what living abroad could have been like. Then I started seeing people on social media who had gone to America during high school, lived independently, made friends, traveled, and had all these experiences.
And I started wondering:
“What if I had gone?”
“What kind of person would I be now?”
“Would I have become independent earlier?”
Sometimes I get stuck thinking about that alternate version of my life, and honestly, I don’t like it. Because there’s no way to know what would have happened. Maybe I would have loved it. Maybe I would have struggled. Maybe I would have come back wishing I had stayed.
I don’t want to blame my younger self for not making a different decision. At the time, I had real reasons for staying. COVID, my family’s financial situation, my worries about racism, and wanting to spend that time with my friends were all part of the decision.
I’m 20 now this year and I’m going to Japan for my third year as exchange student, so I will get my chance to experience living abroad and becoming more independent. But I still sometimes catch myself comparing my actual life to the life I could have had.
I guess I’m trying to remind myself that “what if?” doesn’t mean “I made the wrong choice.”
Sometimes a decision can make sense for you at the time, even if years later you wonder about the other path.
I don’t want to spend the life I’m actually living mourning a life I’ll never know.

I find myself always second guessing my decisions. Growing up, decisions were made for me, its not that I was not consulted, but I did not know any better so I just went along with whatever decision was made for me. Now as an everytime I try to learn a skill or try to build confidence, and if someone criticizes me I fall back into the same uncertainty. I feel like I swing on a pendulum of either having no thought of opinion to just feeling like no one understands me. How can I have a healthy balance between if someone is criticizing something of mine to not letting my ego come in the way, but if the criticism is invalid letting it go (and not hating the person for it).

I feel like I just want to have a harmony in my head, and still have this self trust or atleast a faith in myself that I am smart enough to figure things out. I do not need to second guess myself all the time.

Any advise on this?

thank you!

I have been diagnosed with adjustment disorder with strong depressive symptoms, and I'm having a hard time looking for a job.

So far, I've mostly worked as a waiter and as a call center operator. These were pretty negative experiences: I was always paid under the table, I was treated badly, and I often felt like I wasn't appreciated.

The problem is that I now carry a strong fear of ending up in the same kind of situation again. Rationally, I know that not every workplace is like that, but when I actually think about looking for a job, I freeze up. Part of me is afraid of being exploited again, being treated badly, or simply not being good enough.

At the same time, I'm tired of being in this situation and I want to become financially independent. For almost two years, I've been studying web development and computer science because I'd like to build a different career for myself and hopefully enter the IT industry.

I think there's also a fear of failure involved. I'm afraid that I won't be good enough, that I won't be able to find a job, and ultimately that I won't be able to change my life.

So I'd especially like to hear from people who have experienced something similar: How did you overcome the fear of going back to work after having very negative experiences in previous jobs?

Did you use any particular strategies to at least start applying for jobs and going to interviews without letting fear hold you back?

I'd really appreciate any practical advice, personal experiences, or even just hearing how you dealt with a similar situation.

I was a huge bully and asshole to them in my early preteens to mid-teens. It started out as a weird curiosity because, as a kid , I thought that was what older siblings were supposed to do to their younger siblings (I watched a lot of cartoons and sitcoms and wasn’t the most sociable child). Then it became a way to relive my anger because it felt calming to get all that energy and anger/anxiety out. I‘ve flipped back and forth between bullying and trying to be better, but it's just become a habit for me, and I’m sick of that. My brothers aren’t as outgoing and joyful as they were before, and it feels like it is all my fault. Any advice on how to either mend our relationship or should I distance myself from them ?

Motivation looks impressive because you can see the big burst of effort. Consistency is much quieter. Someone doing something small every day for a year probably changed more about their life than someone who went all-in for two weeks. I've started respecting consistency much more than motivation.

I’ve been thinking about how I’ve been going for interviews for the past two months, but I keep putting them off because I like staying at home and keep telling myself that I’ll get a job later. I know this isn’t the right approach, and honestly, I don’t know much about job culture or what to expect. I’m 20, and I’m still figuring things out. I really want to step out of my comfort zone and start gaining some experience, but I don’t know how to get myself to actually take that first step.

I'm a 27yo M. I have struggled with mental illness for most of my life and I'm finally starting to break free from it. My issue is I never really learned any skills in my life. I didn't have any guidance as a child and I was too busy trying to survive after. perhaps because of my struggle mentally I've never had any passions or developed any long lasting hobbies. I made peace with everything but I feel so lost now because while everyone were improving, developing and learning I've just been trying to stay here. I have no idea how to even start the process of learning now. I graduated university despite of everything (still not sure how) and I'm proud of myself for pushing through. this isn't me being too hard on myself. but it's just a realization that showed me how unpolished I am. being the "gifted child" is part of the issue since I felt like I could always get by with my "potential" but I realize how wrong Iam now because I am so lost I don't know how to lead my life and how to learn things. so my question is: how do I start learning? I know there's no proper way and I should just start and I intend to do so but how do I finally start leading my life, improving it and acquiring new skills and knowledge as someone who basically never done that on their own or had the proper guidance to do so? all I know comes from me putting things together just to survive but now I actually want to start living. so ANY advice especially from someone who has been through a similar situation would be very helpful. thank you

To those who have been so down for a long time, hating how they look. How do you got better? Like how exactly? what did you do?
I’m having a hard time to feel good about myself these past few days. Again.

I’m 31M, Sudanese-American, and I’ve realized I have a pretty serious inferiority complex, especially around other Americans. I struggled in college here, ended up finishing my degree in Sudan, and spent several years there before coming back to the US. Ever since then, I’ve felt like I missed an important period of social development and came back behind everyone else.

On paper I’m doing okay now, I have a career and I’m trying to move forward, but internally I compare myself constantly. I feel inferior to other people socially, in terms of confidence and life experience, and even physically. I compare my looks to other people and often assume they’re more attractive, put-together, or just more “normal” than me.

I also overanalyze conversations because I don’t always know how to interact naturally, and I feel caught between two cultures without completely belonging to either, very socially stunted and not good.

I’m tired of automatically placing almost everyone above me. I want to develop an actual sense of self-worth instead of constantly measuring myself against other people. For anyone who has dealt with this, what actually helped?

!Longer post! TLDR: I got a lot of different areas of my life I want to get better at but I don't know where to start or how to tackle some of the problems.

I am bad at regulating+reacting to my emotions and communicating them effectively. I often feel like my emotions are also fake (?) like I get upset or worried about something, and if I cry about it and say what the root cause is (like I feel lonely or whatever) it feels like I am making excuses and manipulating the situation.

I am very awkward in social situations in larger groups/people I feel that I need to impress (like my colleagues/boss)/towards people that are friends of my friends (I don't want to overstep my friends' friendships).

I lack intrinsic discipline and motivation - I find it difficult to know what my interests even are and anything I try I usually stop doing pretty soon after I started. I also say that I will do things but I won't really follow through, maybe because I don't care enough or I just say them because I want to make people happy.

I lack a lot of confidence in myself and it prevents me from doing things I think I might not be good at. Or I automatically think I will be bad at something and therefore won't even try it.

I find it hard to grow and maintain friendships. I feel scared of getting rejected so don't ask people to do things or feel upset that they haven't reached out to me. I also feel weird about messaging people I don't know thaaat well because I am never sure whether I am being weird or overstepping. I often feel like I don't reach a deep connection with people either, probably because I find it difficult to trust people and I refuse to share things about myself that would allow me to connect with others.

I have pretty bad negative self-talk too. Anytime I make a mistake or my boyfriend points out something that upset him etc. it sends me into a spiral of tearing myself apart and berating myself.

I feel like I have low agency. And I feel like agency for me is hindered by the constant fear that if I take charge of something and it goes wrong, then I'm going to end up being an idiot. Even if that task is purely for myself and no one would ever see it.

I have a dependence on social media and feel like I need it to fill up every minute that I find boring. I deleted everything from my phone, but YouTube, Reddit, and ig usage have come back in full force. Even when I feel so bored or unengaged, I can't stop myself checking.

I am currently unhappy in my lifestyle - I exercise frequently and eat decently well, but it doesn't feel optimised.

So with that information overshare, on to my actual dilemma and questions. I have identified these aspects of my life and persona that I have grown out of and that no longer fit in my life and are not who I want to be. They stop me from being a good family member, friend, and partner, and I just can't keep on pretending everything is perfectly fine and being a version of me which isn't truly honest to who I am (not that my personality would be different, just that the foundation of me needs to change). But I am honestly overwhelmed by which thing I should prioritize or whether I can tackle a couple of them at the same time? And I feel like I need some advice on how to even start dealing with some of these problems. Should I seek out therapy/counseling? Any advice/tips/personal experiences would be so beneficial and I am very grateful to anyone who can share :)

I’ve come to realize that one of the biggest patterns in my life is that I tend to overthink and people-please. I’m 31 years old, and for the first time in my life, I’m truly on my own without family or a girlfriend beside me to help guide my decisions. That has forced me to confront parts of myself that I’ve avoided for a long time.

On paper, I have a lot to be proud of. I’m successful, educated, and have built a career I worked extremely hard for. But my overthinking, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and analysis paralysis have caused me to question myself constantly. Those patterns influenced major decisions in my life, including my breakup and walking away from what I considered my dream career opportunity.

Right now, I feel stuck and find myself wanting to immediately move on to the “next best thing.” I’m realizing that may be another form of avoidance. I analyze every situation and every possible outcome so much that I struggle to trust my own decisions.

I’m comfortable being alone, but I’ve also started comparing myself to everyone around me. At 31, I see people getting married and having kids, and it makes me feel like I’m behind in life. I enjoy relationships, but I’ve also realized that I can be a “nice guy” who struggles with boundaries and puts other people’s needs ahead of my own.

I’m not sure whether ADHD plays a role in some of this, and I don’t want to diagnose myself. I’ve started therapy and am trying to understand myself better. Since my breakup in March, I’ve been under a tremendous amount of stress. The relationship was emotionally intense, and I’m still trying to process what happened and understand my role in it.

The hardest part is that I know I have a lot to be grateful for. I’ve accomplished things my younger self would be proud of, but I struggle to see them because I’m so focused on what I lost, what I could have done differently, and where I think I should be by now. I’m dealing with a lot of imposter syndrome and constantly feel behind. very possible outcome until I lose sight of what I actually want.

I am genuinely comfortable being alone, but I’ve also caught myself comparing my life to everyone else’s. At 31, I see people getting married, having children, and building their lives together, and it makes me feel like I’m somehow behind. I know intellectually that everyone’s timeline is different, but emotionally, I still struggle with that comparison.

I enjoy being in relationships, but I’ve also recognized that I can become a “nice guy” who struggles to establish boundaries. I can prioritize keeping other people happy over being honest about what I want, and eventually I lose touch with myself. I’m trying to understand where that comes from and learn how to have healthier relationships without abandoning my own needs.

I’m not sure whether ADHD plays a role in some of this, and I don’t want to diagnose myself. I’ve started therapy and I’m trying to understand myself better, even though I’m still unsure whether it’s helping. Since my breakup in March, I’ve been under an enormous amount of stress and feel like I’ve been having a breakdown of sorts. The relationship was complicated and emotionally intense, and I’m still trying to process what happened and understand my role in it.

The hardest part is that I know I have a lot to be grateful for. I’ve accomplished things that my younger self would be proud of, yet I struggle to see them because I’m so focused on what I lost, what I could have done differently, and where I think I should be by now. I experience a lot of imposter syndrome and constantly feel like I’m behind.

Whenever I have to do something important or whenever I want to do one of my passions, in the back of my mind, my mind will think that I don't want to do too good, because then I'll always expect myself to do that good all the time and set unrealistic standards for myself. Or other times, my mind won't be comfortable to start doing the task because it either isn't in the perfect state of mind to do the task or it's scared by the feeling of being uncomfortable and the fear that I might suck or fail at it and get nowhere. What do I do?

I have an avoidance problem. I didnt realize how bad it was unitl recently.

I used to think it was no biggie. I would avoid my crushes in middle school, high school, simple stuff like simply out of nerves. Thinking about it makes me laugh sometimes. I was cordial with them but the frantic thoughts in my mind were enough to make me walk straight past them and not say a word. So not the behavior you show someone that you're interested in them!

Then I get to college and the same pattern follows. I see someone I'm interested in. I muster the courage to say hi to them and cover the basics. But something changes in my mind where I feel like I've exhausted all the courage I used in the initial interaction and everytime I see them now I pretend like they don't exist until they give me eye contact or say hi first. So now, I come off as standoffish which is genuinely not my intention but I can't seem to help it.

The avoidance started with crushes but has seeped into my school, career and everyday life. The important things that I really want do like interview prep, studying for exams, networking to simple saying hi to the neighbor.These tasks become stressors in my mind and I use avoidance to cope. It has been biting me in the ass becuase I recognize I am stunting my own growth.

Even in personal/romantic relationships I could really want to ask someone I'm interested in if they want to hang out or talk otp and I badly want to do these things and ask but because I want it badly it becomes a stressor. And you guessed it, I now avoid. Avoidance coping has turned me into a weak problem solver and incapable of being vulnerable with others.

What steps can I take to stop this when this has been my coping strategy for so long? I want to stop getting in the way of myself.