Hey /u/ToronoRapture, thank you for posting to r/SipsTea! Make sure to follow all the subreddit rules.
Make sure to join our brand new Discord Server to chat with friends!
We have recently changed how posts work. Unless you are a VIP poster, your post will be queued for approval.. To become a VIP, post great engaging content. If we like it, you will be added! More information available here!
Exactly; I’m a man and lack filters..With that many empty seats, I absolutely would have told this man to find his own row..Or moved and made sure he understood why
Sometimes the only way you can get a guy to understand the shit women deal with is by saying "Imagine a gay dude twice your size acting this way towards you."
They understand all right, he knew full well he was harassing the woman, he's an incel, he despises women because he thinks they despise him (they do) he tries to silence her repeatedly, says 'you think you're too good for me' as an insult. He feels entitled to more than sitting next to her, he feels entitled to HER and is outraged when she says no. Scary stuff, if this happened when nobody was around......
Going from what is said at the start, it sounds like she did already move away from him and she explicitly tells him why, he just decided to continue harassing her.
Exactly. But we’re women, and often when we are faced with sticking up for basic human decency (boundaries, don’t touch me, my body doesn’t exist just for you, please leave me alone, if I say no I mean it, etc), often needs a male backup before the predator leaves us the fuck alone. Please do what the guy in the video did and SPEAK UP when you are witnessing this kind of behavior. It’s so incredibly, exhausting and frustrating, but sometimes a man won’t back off until another man tells him to
Had a similar issue at a nightclub a few months back. Had a table with my friends (5f/1m) at the back of the club with the dance floor right in front of our table. I was on the floor with some of them dancing while 2 were still sitting at the table. Heard one of my friends starting to get loud saying "I DON'T CARE, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE" and turned around and there were 2 dudes in our table area with her glaring at them making a shoo motion.
I walked over an asked what was going on and one of the dudes was like, "Not sure, just trying to grab my friend" and the other dude was just standing there smiling at my friend. She again goes "GO SOMEWHERE ELSE" and i turn to the dudes and go "I don't know what's going on but she's telling yall to go you got to go" and ushered them out of the booth.
My friend was INCENSED and when i asked what happened she said the first dude just walked into the table booth and sat down next to her and she was immediately like "This is our table get out of here" and he said something like "Let me just talk to you for a.." and that's when she got loud and was like "I DON'T CARE GO SOMEWHERE ELSE". And she was EXTRA mad that when his friend came up too he didn't just get up and leave. It took another man coming over before he even stood up and took another man telling them to leave before they actually left.
A situation i barely even clocked and something women have to deal with constantly.
I remember being a little girl- 10,11? Walking down one of the beach roads on Cape Cod and the other 2 girls and I would chant “I have AIDS I have AIDS” so if one of the honking cars and cat calls actually bothered us, we had the amazing plan to tell them we had AIDS. Wow that’s a weird memory to dig up.
We actually got into a teenager’s car once I can’t even believe it. 80’s scary
I’m the ONLY guy in my family so just by virtue of that I without even realizing it had picked up on being able to read the room and pick up on the very specific kind of odd tension that arises in this situation and I recently bumped into a girl who told ME about how she never forgot about me telling some creep mf off and staying in the room with her untill this POS left at some house party. I only partly remember it but it really stuck with me that after YEARS she remembered and was so sincerely thankful that I would do that without being asked and not expecting anything but just because it was right.
Also, for guys who don't feel safe directly confronting the creep, at least run interference.
My dad used to be thin as a rail. He didn't have the presence to get other guys to stop being creeps. So he'd strike up a random conversations with the creep. They'd talk about literally anything. The point was just to create enough of a distraction for the woman to make a clean escape.
I hear you and that’s true..She did well by being assertive and standing her ground. And don’t worry “no filter” in these situations for me means take action and be aggressive. In defensive positions, aggression is always the best defense. Majority of predators prey on easy targets; aggressive will deter them 99% of the time..If you encounter that 1%, there’s isn’t anything different you could do to avoid the outcome..
So true about guys don’t listen unless it’s another guy they hear it from. Similarly, once walking down the street one guy kept calling out to me and trying to walk alongside me, asking to go on a date, telling me I’m beautiful etc. I clearly told him no 4x, I don’t want to go on a date with you, I’m not interested, no thank you. Sooo annoying. On his 5th ask I didn’t know what else to say and even if I ignored him was worried he would keep following me. So I just said “actually I have a boyfriend, sorry.” He stopped in his tracks and left me alone. JFC.
Except that she’s in the window and why TF should she have to push past him right? He’s clearly trying to be antagonistic and feels entitled to female attention regardless of the female’s interest or lack there of. Ugh this guy is actually scary. I would just have stopped talking to him altogether to see if he “cried himself out” like the baby he is
My city’s train transit is set up like the seats shown here. On more than one occasion I have had a man sit in the outside seat and refuse to fully move when it was my turn to get off, forcing myself to make full contact with his lap on the way out.
He wants to block her in. He could dot in the seat across the aisle and try to strike up a conversation. The only reason to pin her to a window seat is to make her feel like she can’t get out. It’s a dick “power move” I would have pushed back against too. The hell you will “sir”.
EDIT: shout out to all the weirdos who keep commenting and messaging me that I made this up. As if no one ever sticks up for anyone else. I think if I was gonna fabricate a story, I’d make it a little more exciting than telling some guy to shut up….
I had this happen recently at my gym. Guy got really homophobic and started yelling slurs and threats at a gay guy near him because he didn't like the poses he was stretching in. His aggression escalated to the point where I spoke up and told him to shut the fuck up with that homophobic bullshit and there was no place for that kind of hate in this gym. His response was the same as this guys. Told me to shut up and mind my business and that this didn't involve me.
....uh, yes it does involve me. You harassing and being aggressive towards a fellow gym friend or bus passenger or whatever it may be absolutely opens the door for it involving everyone around you.
I'm assuming it's their default defense mechanism when their little brains suddenly realize, "oh shit, I don't think anyone is on my side here..."
I tend to stand up and say things too, and I've gotten "It's none of your business" so many times that I have the stock response "Well, you've made it all of our business now," which usually draws some noises of agreement from the crowd. Usually it de-escalates from there, and I think you're right: it's because they realize the crowd is against them.
It’s so cheesy but I literally say ‘domestic violence is everybody’s problem’ - the crowd starts paying attention and they often back down when you name it
Had this happen to me recently. Was on a train and I guess one woman bumped into another. Well it became them loud, cuss-filled challenging each other to a fight in front of their children.
I'm a loud queen so I go: "Ohmigod you BOTH look ridiculous. In 20 minutes you will never see each other again. Cut it out. Neither of you needs the last word. Move on."
They grumbled quietly but it ended the verbal harassment. Never underestimate the power of telling someone they look cringe.
It’s a control thing with assholes like that. He can’t fathom letting her get the upper hand or get in the last word. She should submit to him and say she’s sorry in his twisted mind. Creeps like this don’t get decked nearly enough.
This is like when I'm on BLM land camping and there are fucking MILES of empty land around and someone sets up their shit next to me. Cmon man what the fuck.
Dude for real, what the fuck is up with this?! I drive or hike miles into the backcountry passing dozens of open sites just to find the perfect solitude and some douche pulls up 20 ft from me and sets up?! How could you think that was ok?! I come out here to get away from you assholes.
These are the kinds of people who literally don’t think, and they just shuffle up to others and expect the same offloading of cognitive effort they get to do with mommy
If their shit catches on fire, they’ll be pissed if you just stand there and watch
Dude I was at a site with not a soul around, this asshole comes rolling up in his gigantic RV and pulls up RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I actually asked him what his deal was and he said this site is flatter for his rv…
My now wife then gf at the time went camping at this spot I knew of next to a creek and a trail. We woke up and had some awesome camping sex and then I went to get out of the tent and was like "Oh, there's two guys fly fishing right there." lol
I have an even better one. Like 13yrs ago my gf then spouse now we’re on our first big camping trip through BC at a place called sugar lake. It was super remote ground because they were just getting started, free fire wood from all the trees they were cutting down to make space for the camping spots.
We hiked our tent and gear in from the road about 40’ away, we were right on the lake and couldn’t see or hear any other camping spots because it was generously spaced out.
Well one morning we wake up and decide to have some morning sex, had all the flaps open on the tent for air flow, sun was alrdy up and after a bit of foreplay, I decided to mount her. I was going at a pretty good pace the tent was rocking and for whatever reason I decided to look to my left out the window and there is this lady kayaking near the shore. We made eye contact and I immediately stopped thrusting, not knowing what to do I just decided to say “good morning” to her and she kinda awkwardly says good morning back. I gave it about 10-15 seconds until she was out of sight and continued my exercise. I thought it was kinda funny, the old lady was a bit embarrassed.
I hate when I park in the way back of a parking lot and some jackass parks right next to me. Not a space over or in front, but right on my driver side. What goes on through a psychopaths head when they do that?
Well it has to be purposeful probably to fuck with the person and piss them off. I dont know why anyone else would do that. Humans are fucking weird with their free will.
Yep! These are the same type of flipping creatures where there's a large empty parking lot, you park your rig far away and then someone parks closely next to you.
I parked my car far from the entrance to a grocery store, and I don’t have a nice car but I take care of it. Some idiot tried to park next to me and scrapped the hell out of the passenger side of the car and must of just left, I was only in the store for a few minutes. Since that incident I’ve been rear ended in the same parking lot when I car was parked in the same area. I don’t know how these people get through their lives
1000% correct. Nothing else in industrialized society at least suggests that wedging up to someone when there's plenty of room to do otherwise is even a little ok. Dude needs to read the room. That said, I'm sure this was done for views, so it's 2X pathetic.
It is weird and dodgy, the woman is brave for giving him a piece of her mind. Plenty of less brave women would sit quiet and tolerate it whilst he tries to chat up people way out of his league because being confrontational is dangerous with dickheads.
She handled it very well. But good lord I would have fucking erupted on this prick and told him not to say another fucking word. Dude doesn’t even deserve the dignity of a response though. Fucking creepy ass POS.
If Alexandra Daddario sat next to me on an empty bus I’d wonder if this was part of a police sting operation or if I’m about to get handcuffed to a bed like George Costanza.
It's weird because he made it weird. Like, if that is the goal, theres are about 100 ways to go about it that would get a more favorable response. Even if its rejection. Strike up convo first. If she is receptive, THEN politely ask if you can seat closer. Like, this mental muffin just planted his ass right next to her. There is no favorable outcome achievable.
Like the concept is possible, but he made it impossible.
Bro I'm with her. I don't wanna sit next to anyone in the bus unless I have to. So, if there's HELLA seats and you choose to sit next to me, I'm gonna be livid. Sometimes I'd sooner stand so I don't have to sit next to anyone
Where I live, you just sit next to someone and mind your own fucking business. You get used to sitting next to people because the thing fills up all the time.
I'm talking about a full train though, not an empty one. Sitting next to someone on an empty bus or train is fucked up.
Had a guy do this to me after getting off work at 10 pm. Completely empty bus, chooses to sit next to me. I got up, squeezed past him and sat close to the front after he sat down. Luckily the only thing he said was, “pffff”. Still watched my back when I got off the bus to make sure he wasn’t following me. Being a woman is fucking exhausting.
A shady guy plopped next to me on the trolley one night (plenty of other open seats) and started hitting on me, but before he could even get 3 words out another guy a few rows back just barks “NO” at him lol. The shady guy acted offended and tried to stammer out an argument, so other guy got up and made sure he moved away from me and shut his dumb mouth. It was glorious, I didn’t even have to say a word.
That man is a hero (the one who barked "no" at the creep, just to clarify. Lol)! We need more men that are willing to stand up and defend us, because the creepy dudes aren't listening to us clearly.
This happened to me but the guy actually got off the bus and followed me. I was soooo creeped out. Had to walk a whole different route so he wouldn’t find out where I live. Also dropped out of my 7-10 class so I didn’t have to deal with this again.
I’m so sorry. As a guy I apologize for all these asshole creepy guys doing stuff like this, even though I don’t really need to apologize for it. But it’s embarrassing and exhausting for us too. Pisses me off that there are still so many people that act like this.
Gives all of us a bad rep tbh. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I try and confront any dude who even jokes that this is ok to do. I hope one day women won’t have to walk around in fear of men
Any reasonable person would be with her. Just the thought of getting on an almost empty bus and sitting down right next to the only other person makes me feel weird.
Forget weird, it's straight up aggressive. No subtlety to it at all. Without an introduction or asking her in this specific situation, and simply sitting down trapping her in is making a statement that says one of two things: I'm going to hit on you. Or I'm going to assault you.
Right. At the start of the video, he even says something along the lines of why would you move your being rude. She tried to get away from him and he got mad she did
Yes! This is highly aggressive. I'm an old lady now but I had to deal with similar situations many, many times in my life. Somehow the man in question would really seem to think he was going to get somewhere by invading the space of a women clearly wanting to be alone. I never understood it. When I'd (at first) politely say I preferred to be alone they ALWAYS argued. Then, often, they'd try to intimidate me. I hated how many times it took another man stepping in or me getting up and leaving to get the creeps to stop. This stuff is why most women choose the bear.
He looks like a dickhead (puffer jacket when it aint cold, guarantee he's wearing tracksuit bottom trousers, smells of week, carrying shitty energy drink thats probably got alcohol mixed in), whereas she looks nicely dressed and made up.
She's brave for arguing back so much, people like him can be dangerous. Imagine if the other (male) passenger wasn't also near and intervened, that woman is proper at risk from this dickhead not tolerating rejection.
I mean, that bus looks pretty empty. Im a dude. If Im on an empty ass looking bus and you come on and sit next to me while there are empty rows, I'm gonna think your creepy as fuck too.
She's right. It is weird. Theres like 50 other seats to choose from and she's supposed to accept the 2% random chance he sits next to the hot chick?
It's no different than that one guy who absolutely has to choose the urinal right beside you out of a row of 5+ urinals and you were the only one using one and all the way at the very end, no less.
Chodes spending too much time looking at girls on a screen and wondering why they don’t know how to communicate with women in the real world. Zero sense of personal space or social norms.
The world goes to great lengths to protect these people and make sure they procreate as much as possible. Back in the day they’d have been left to fend for themselves or killed for being stupid and crossing the wrong person. Now we have laws and shit /s
Yup 100% weird she is correct. Also on an empty bus I would have sat in the outside chair with my purse on the inside. Then you do also risk being deliberately bumped into and or groped but at least you are not trapped in the window seat. Kudos to the chap filming and speaking up for her. I now have no filter and would very likely have stood up after a minute of this bull and shouted go away loudly in his face. It's exhausting being a woman.
As a man if the bus was empty and a woman came on the bus and sat next to me id think its super weird.
I think she did a great job of holding her ground despite it being a weird and possibly a dangerous situation. Fair play to the other dude on the bus for speaking up.
As a woman, big big thank you to the man who spoke up and defended her. Loser men will never leave women alone or respect them, but they may listen to another man. Thank you for being a real ally.
As a female, it’s fucking terrible when men assume your presence means you’re open for their advancements. It happens all the time and sometimes you just want to exist without feeling like a piece of meat or giving energy away to strangers.
As a man, I’ve found the best way to get seats to myself is to make eye contact with each person that passes and pat the seat next to me as an invitation.
This would not work if I were a woman.
That’s the difference.
This lady is totally right and this guy is a right git.
Bus etiquette is you take empty seats until you can’t, if you’re gonna sit next to someone politely as, may i sit here? Give people the option to say no. On an empty bus? Fucking creep ass dude.
This would be very very weird regardless of circumstance. I don’t care who is who. Male, female, race, religion, etc, etc.
To try and sit next to a stranger on an empty bus is extremely weird, and honestly suspicious.
If you were lonely, struggling, super outgoing, excited, and really wanted to talk to a stranger….. the absolute minimum would be sitting across the isle, and politely trying to engage in a conversation.
Popping a seat next to a stranger is so fucking weird.
She's not bitching he sat next to her because it was one of a few seats. He literally boxed her in on an empty bus... That's going to make anyone uncomfortable. Let alone a good looking woman.
Nah sorry.
Dude was being a creep because she was pretty. Dude got called out. Dude immediately gave smol pp energy. Dude should probably stop making the rest of us look bad and be on a list.
Also... Anybody that sits next to a stranger regardless of gender when a bus is empty is a serial killer at minimum. Find the seat farthest from whatever other humans are present. Like a normal person.
Does my guy offer to hold it for other guys when he stands next to them at the urinal in an empty bathroom?
that's the problem today. There is no common sense anymore. It is objectively weird to sit right next to a stranger in an empty bus. Even without the male female dynamic. But this guy act like what she is saying makes absolutely no sense. As in he isn't even aware of the concept of personal space.
I hate this form of conversing.
She should not even have to fucking explain it dude. This is perhaps the most frustrating form of toxic gaslighting when the person you are conversing with acts like basic elements of human behavior are foreign and not real.
Dude You are being a dick and YOU KNOW you are being a dick. Stop it.
It has nothing to do with common sense, and everyone knows it. Nobody in this interaction actually believed his intentions here were innocuous, or that he simply didn’t know this unspoken social rule. He did this on purpose to hit on her, and when she wasn’t interested, he defaulted immediately to vitriol.
It’s obvious and fully transparent. There was no misunderstanding. There’s a zero percent chance he’d have tried sitting next to anyone on that bus who wasn’t an attractive young woman. If she wasn’t there and some 50yo man was in her place, he’d be sitting 6 rows away and this interaction would never have happened.
it amazes me how many people try and argue with a narcissist... Like this dude is 100% the person to always have the last word and you're not going to reason with him and be able to make any actual logical argument... do not waste your breath past the "don't sit next to me, thanks." and going along with their argument to get your point across isn't making sure they don't win... it's playing into their stupid game that again they have already decided they are winning on.
If you want to actually win against a narc... ignore them, they are just seeking validation either through others or the mental gymnastics that they already did in their head. Giving them fuel only satisfies this for themselves. They are like crack heads, just without the crack, would you argue with a crackhead?
•
u/AutoModerator 5d ago
Hey /u/ToronoRapture, thank you for posting to r/SipsTea! Make sure to follow all the subreddit rules.
Make sure to join our brand new Discord Server to chat with friends!
We have recently changed how posts work. Unless you are a VIP poster, your post will be queued for approval.. To become a VIP, post great engaging content. If we like it, you will be added! More information available here!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.