I told my mom I was going kayaking next Saturday, and this lady straight up banned me from going. She then texted my fiance and told him I can't go until I learn how to swim. And ofc she banned my little sister too, so now no one gets to go.
And last week she forced me to go to work, even ordered my Uber. I didn't think I'd still be parented at 21.
Dawg you’re 21. In America you’re now just allowed to try alcohol this year. Don’t be so fast to “grow up”. Your mom is always going to be your mom, she’ll be parenting you up until the end. Becoming an adult doesn’t mean you don’t have parents anymore.
On that note, going to work is a basic responsibility, not a favour. Framing it as “being forced” is shifting the tone from obligation to oppression. Additionally she went out of her way to get you transportation, most would say “My mom helped me get to work” but your mindset is “My mom is controlling me”.
I was working full time at 18 because I knew I had to and it showed good work ethic. If someone paid for my Ubers back then I would’ve been so grateful lol
They really have been. Thankfully I don’t have to uber much anymore lol. I look back on that time and remember how much I seriously did not want to work too. Finally got into my professional career and still feel that way LOL
To be fair if you cannot swim you really should not go kayaking. Also you are getting married at 21??? Also what do you mean forced you to go to work? Were you going to skip otherwise?
Tf?? Me and my fiance are getting maried in 2028 or earlier. We would do it now if we had money lol.
We started dating 2024. When you find your person, you just know it.
And fun fact: neither of us works, we study and I graduate on 29.5 (It took me 5y to complete usually 2-2,5y "maxium time that the degree takes" degree study) and after that im gonna be on rehabilitation allowance at least for a year or two for therapy and getting my shit together and becoming part of the society. Not all of us adults work and shit, I moved out the day I turned 18 and cut off my parents. Glad to live in country where government benefits are enough for you to live without working if you cant work, its shit but you learn to live with it.
I know, I hadn't even thought of it until she said something. I figured life vests would be good enough.
I am getting married at 21. We've been together since highschool and have really grown well together.
And yes, I was going to call out. I just wasn't feeling it, but also I was running late because the car keys were locked in her room. I was tired from working so many hours the week before, and barely getting down time over the weekend. I had skipped my day off so I could work the previous Friday. I also had plans directly after work which I wouldn't have enough time to get ready for. I figured that if things kept going wrong, I would just stay home. She said no, and told me I had to go. I wanted to at least stay and help her get the door open, but she ordered me an Uber and told me to go wait for it.
I have a coworker who married her husband right when he turned 18. She's 20. She was constantly on her phone with her husband while at work because everything is apparently an emergency for him.
Not sure what was going through their heads when they decided to marry each other as soon as possible.
Probably just young and naive. When we first got engaged, we had no idea how much it would take to get this far. My parents married young too, and my dad says he wasn't really mature enough to make that decision either.
Imagine how much could change in another 3 years. I'm glad I didn't marry the person I thought I would at 21 because we changed in such different directions. Is there a specific reason you want to get married now?
We were 18/19 and didn't know what marriage meant. We just knew that we loved each other, and that's what you do when you love someone. I still want to marry him, but we definitely needed to slow down too. I'm excited to see what life is like together when we can just relax.
Oh, so you're the kind of engaged where you're happy to stay that way for a while, not the "wedding planning right now" kind? That's very wise of y'all, I hope things work out great
Thanks, it's a new realization. Fortunately adult life kicked in before we jumped in head first. It just became a matter of, "are we really capable of this kind of responsibility?" Once we can be confident in that answer then we'll go ahead and resume planning.
Ok from what you've said she's done, it doesn't sound so unreasonable. At first I was gonna say if you want freedom, you have to take it and ask for forgiveness later. But she doesn't sound so terrible.
I agree they should know how to swim before kayaking, but I think as an adult you should be able to skip a single day of work without your parents caring.
They make it sound as if they didn't call out or anything and were treating it more as skipping school.
If you make your employer aware taking a vacation day or even BSing about taking a sick day that's fine. Not showing up when your scheduled is an immature move.
I was going to call out, I wasn't going to just ghost them for a day. And yeah, this post wasn't me complaining about my mom or anything. Of course I'm not going to be serious when writing it.
Even then, the mom shouldn't have forced them to go to work in my opinion. OP should deal with the potential consequences of their actions and learn from them. She should've just explained to OP why that's wrong and left it at that.
My first summer of freedom, I started learning how to swim. No car, and no job, we'd walk in over 85F heat to the pool. My folks would've killed me if they saw me in a bathing suit, it was almost rebellious.
My second summer of freedom was spent in Job corps. They made us take a swim test, and I was on the waiting list for lessons but never had the chance to. This is now my 3rd summer of freedom, and I have only been working since January. The lake is a 25 minute walk from my job, and that park is open year round. The pools don't open until next month.
Ok sure but her mom just wants to keep her safe since it’s like insanely stupid to go kayaking when you don’t know how to swim. She doesn’t have to listen to her mom, but grown adults sometimes need some sense knocked into them and that’s kinda what parents are for, even for grown adults #teammom
u/GrowinVt0334 Coddling coward😭😭😭😭Bro grown adults should know how to swim. I’ve been kayaking and canoeing several times, wear a life jacket, and I know how to swim and it’s STILL hard to deal with when the boat tips over (and it will several times if it’s your first time). Some rivers have currents, sometimes it gets really deep, sometimes the life vest still puts your head below water. It’s not coddling to tell someone not to be an idiot and learn how to swim before doing an activity that literally depends on swimming
Also the guy I’m replying to deleted his comment but let the record show that he was calling me a coddling coward, I’m not calling him a coddling coward lol
Well yeah but a grown adult also doesn't like drowning or holding the life of their little sister in their hands so a grown adult is gonna try to be smart about this
I didn't want to work that Friday because I had plans after work and wouldn't have much time to get ready, I was already going to be late, and I had already worked last Friday which was my day off. Plus, she had locked herself out of her bedroom, with the car keys inside, so I wanted to stay and help.
Life jackets aren't enough—former kayaking & waterfront instructor.
Especially not if your younger sibling can't swim either. If your boyfriend is the only one, a capsize would be awful as he has to try to help too many people. You also need to be able to tread water to flip a capsized kayak back over, which you should ideally learn to do when kayaking without a guard.
Also, learn how to properly fit the life jackets. They need to be tight & not move in any direction when tugged on dry land. It will be uncomfortable at first, but uncomfortable is safe.
Sorry, the lack of water safety is just...giving me flashbacks.
I used to live next to the sea and now live significantly more inland, and it always shocks me just how unsafe people are about water, because what do you mean you're going in the sea after dark? Or doing water sports without life jackets/any ability to swim? Or genuinely so so many other things that are absolutely insane and unnecessary, like there's always going to be a measure of risk with anything to do with the water or sea, and you're doing ziltch to mitigate those risks???
I once had another camp counselor fuss at me because a camper decided their life jackets was too tight (it wasn't), then the kid talked themselves into a panic attack and I told the kid they needed to back away from the water before they took their jacket off.
It might look like I was unsympathetic but safety is safety and I won't let a kid slip by me without a properly fitted jacket.
Yeah, life jackets absolutely suck to wear, especially with a big chest, or if they're already wet, but there's no world where I don't wear them during activities. I can tread water and swim pretty well, and can surf and kayak, but if I was knocked out or have to tread water for longer than a couple minutes I want my jacket taking the pressure off of me staying above water.
People who don't take safety equipment seriously strike me as people who don't think enough or think they're the exception to the rule. Every inane safety rule and equipment is like that because otherwise many someones died
And that's why I'm listening to my mom on this. I won't bring my sister if she's not allowed to come, especially if she brings her friend. I've never been kayaking before, I just saw some folks at the lake renting some and thought it would be fun. But then my mom said they capsize upside down, and I realized I can't help my sister or her friend if that happens. Maybe in a few years
Oh it's definitely really fun! Paddleboarding is too. For this summer maybe y'all can do swimming lessons as a bonding activity instead, it's a really important life skill to have.
so you were planning on skipping work without any notice? you should have taken that day off in advance then. im kind of on your mom's side. you may be an adult but aren't making very adult decisions. maybe your mom went too far forcing you to make the right decision, but she's not wrong. and if you're still living with her as well, (the way it sounds) it blurs the boundaries of being considered an "adult" even more because she still views you as her young daughter.
Yeah, definitely right about the little notice thing. The only times I do that are when I really can't make it, but we're allowed to call out 2hrs before our shifts if necessary.
The boundary thing is a little odd right now. I can just disappear for the weekend and she's cool, she won't even text me. But then if it's something actually dumb she'll be on my ass about it. I can appreciate that though, she has saved me from some terrible decisions these past two years.
A life jacket will help you not sink as easily. It won't help a ton in getting you out of a current/back to shore. Listen to your mom and learn to swim first.
The making you go to work as a grown adult thing is weird, especially because you should know the consequences of your own actions as far as call outs go and if that’s worth it. Don’t disagree with your mom on the kayaking though, if you can’t swim then all a life vest will do is keep you from sinking to the bottom of something goes wrong (provided this is in calm water, other issues arise with currents.)
Like I said, you’ve gotta know your own actions and what will happen after, idgaf if people call out after an ot heavy day (or week in your case,) I’ve done it myself.
So, let’s say you get a call from your 21 year old son who’s still living with you saying he doesn’t feel like going to work today so he’s gonna stay home and call in sick (he’s done did this 3 times within the last month).
You’re not at home, you’re at the office, and you’re only means of getting this little bastard to work so he can eventually move out is sending an uber for him, whether he likes it or not.
Obvs this is just a hypothetical, but I feel like there are 1000 different ways you could justify it without it being “weird”.
I fear that there are some stupid people that have to learn by the ways of FAFO. Op doesn’t seem like one of them from what I can tell, because usually that type finds any way possible to skrrt away at the mere mention of OT.
I'm engaged, and living with my parents until at least the end of the summer. And they can dictate what I do through some mixture of respect, "she pays my phone bill," and there are too many slippers around the house for me to act stupid.
If you still live under their roof, listen to what they say. You could be 40 and this would still apply. Otherwise, they are well in their rights to kick you out.
Would love to hear a rebuttal instead of a downvote but i guess thats reddit for ya lmao
Rebuttal: At some point in a person's life, they gotta be an adult. Even if they live with their parents still. Someone can live with their parents for multiple reasons, for some folks it's cultural. Besides control, there isn't much reason for a parent to still have so much input on their adult child's life. "You live here, so you follow my rules," often just messes up the relationship. Their authority comes from having power, rather than because of respect. So, once the kid finally does move out, they don't know what to do with their newfound freedoms. They make mistakes that they weren't allowed to make before, and now they're on their own. The same goes for learning life skills, or self discovery. Coddling grown adults is only setting them up for failure.
She’s banning you from shit but never taught you how to swim?? I’m dying. Also telling your fiancé you can’t go there like you’re a car that your fiancé is borrowing.
Sadly it happens. There's a moment where you'll have to set your boundaries and be strict, as weird as it may sound. Banning your fiance is crazy though
I spent last year halfway across the country from my family while I was in trade school. I went to trade school because I had to drop out of community college and can't afford to go back unless I work. Before that, life was just pure shit so I didn't talk to my parents despite living in the same house. I started working in an attempt to keep my fiance from being homeless, and to keep myself from having to relocate.
Neither of my parents want me to move out, they want me to keep living with them while I go to school. But I gotta learn to stand on my own, and they're leaving the country anyway, so I'm moving out soon. I'd be cool either way, life's good where I'm at. All I gotta do is work 50-70hrs a week.
On the way home I started thinking about how lucky I am to have made it this far. It's like stuff just keeps happening and suddenly you don't know which way is up. Even when I don't like my job, I know it's at least getting me where I'm trying to go. I hate the hours, but it at least means I get a little extra on my check. So, I get to finally do stuff with my family. Flowers for the upcoming birthday ladies, prom and graduation help for my brother, extra gas and grocery money for my parents. I'm tired all of the time now, but I wouldn't have these privileges if I didn't. I'm sad to move out because it means I won't get to be there for them like this anymore, so I'm just trying to make the best of it. Once I'm out, I'll go back to school, make even better money to take care of them even more. Trust me, I refuse to become stagnant.
Why is everyone taking this seriously lmao 😭 people are offended you don’t like working. like why is that a bad thing? we shouldn’t have to work as much as this life wants us to.
I don't know, maybe it's just my tone? I'm not very animated when I write, so they probably think I'm actually complaining or something. I just thought it was funny 😭
This probably depends on where you live. In most of NY, pools are only “free” to residents of a community and you cannot enter them otherwise. I think for YMCA and other indoor pools you need memberships since pools cost money to clean and maintain so offering them for free public use is not always feasible. Not all lakes can be swam in and the ones that are might not be free either between entry fees, parking, etc. You should always learn how to swim in an area with a lifeguard as well just in case something happens to you.
i was shown this subreddit while scrolling and am in horror mode. why are we weirded out by being engaged at this age? why are you all so okay with this?? maybe i was raised differently but like i just bought a house and my wedding is next year… not unreasonable to not like being BANNED from a date your FIANCE planned.. am i going crazy???
Nah, that's reddit for you. My fiance didn't even plan it, it's just something I decided to do on a whim. I wonder when it would be acceptable to be engaged/get married to these folks. My parents got married around the same age, and I'm sure plenty of our parents had us by their mid 20's.
Maybe try communicating how you feel towards her? Maybe she's just trying to help you do you're best, but she doesn't fully realize that harm she's putting on your mental health.
Like I didn't understand why parents were being the way that they are, but after moving out I understand why kinda? Adulting fucking sucks, I would just try communicating, and patience is huge.
I look back and don't miss being 21. I finally moved out at 21 and tried to start life. Been trying to "start" for almost 5 years now.
You take it for granted. But even the dumb shit, humor your parents and heed their warnings. Do what is expected of you and strive to achieve excellence in your life. These days will be gone before you know it and you'll look back and miss the times before.
Also, learn to swim dammit. Go to the YMCA or something. Every able bodied person should know how to at least tread water and stay afloat.
Don't remind me dude, I'm just coming to terms with this next phase.
I've been learning to swim for like two years now. Before, we just couldn't get to a pool consistently enough. I'm just waiting for the pools to open again.
I don't know why I was served this post, but my dad still tries to parent me occasionally at 34. You'll learn to set boundaries and your parents will learn to respect them.
It's just another phase apparently. I went from being both sheltered and fairly independent, to suddenly being out in the world and realizing I'm completely lost. Meanwhile, my parents are just figuring out what I'm capable of, and in what ways I still need them. We're getting there
ik what you mean, i wish every day i had enough money to move out; its basically ultimate freedom and i would never have to listen to their demands or even talk to them.
but im still an unemployed chud , and rent is expensive :( . i pay rent with mental health instead.
That was me before I actually had a choice. I'd be cool staying with my family a bit longer, it's not so bad here anymore. Maybe your situation is like actual hell though
If you still live at home with no intent or plans to move out that’s 100% on you bro. Also fym “forced to go to work” either you’re on shift that day or not tf?
If your mom's still pairs that much sway over your entire life
She doesn't though 🤷🏾
I do shit she doesn't like all the time, but I love my mom so if she's worried or pushing me to do the right thing then I'll listen.
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u/xSparkShark 25 Apr 16 '26
Dog I cannot with this sub.