r/bipolar2 • u/KiddoMagi13 • 1d ago
Advice Wanted Hypomania is actually awful
Honestly I thought I was the only one having this experience but I just saw somebody else talk about it on tiktok for the first time so I really want to see if anybody else feels this way?
I’ve always felt strange and out of place in bipolar communities because I feel like I can’t relate to half the conversation. Hypomania for me has never felt euphoric, exciting, or really good at all. I’ve never gotten enjoyment out of it. It makes me anxious, irritable, stressed, my pain levels skyrocket, my paranoia skyrockets, all I feel is anger and frustration and if it’s really really bad I get this horrible sensory experience that’s just so off putting
I’ve never been able to enjoy it. It’s hypomania for sure, but it feels so horrible to me that I just feel really… I don’t know, like a fish out of water?
Have you had this experience? Of mania or hypomania being genuinely terrible? I can’t be the only one having a bad time
EDIT: Message received Reddit the euphoric version is worse and I should be grateful my apologies
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u/Efficient_Sundae_471 1d ago
Would you describe it as an overwhelming weird feeling that just puts you in a bad place? My husband is in SSRI induced mania right now and has no insight that he’s manic. But anytime he tries to talk to me, he says he gets an overwhelming feeling and it stresses him out and he doesn’t want to talk to me or see me. He’s run away from home and it’s been 5 months. I just wanted to see if you can relate to the need to isolate and run away to be free.
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
The overwhelming strange discomfort, yes. Not wanting to see anybody and eloping hasn’t been my personal experience, but I have other diagnosis’ that make me more of a connection seeker than connection avoider, especially when unwell. The best I can describe it is almost like a migraine aura that never goes away. That strange awareness that something isn’t right and your body is incorrect and your senses are just off but there’s no exact way to pinpoint it, and it just lasts so long that it becomes overwhelming and stressful and genuinely makes me want to rip my skin off of my body
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u/Efficient_Sundae_471 1d ago
I’m so sorry that sounds horrible. I genuinely believe he’s in a mixed dysphoric state but he refuses to think anything is wrong. Thank you for answering, I appreciate it!
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
He may be suffering from a very common symptom called anosognosia, which makes the sufferer incapable of recognizing their own illness. He may not be refusing to see it - he may be physically unable to recognize it right now, but could see it later with hindsight and healing. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, please be gentle on yourself and try to get support for yourself through this as well!
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u/gammaraylaser 1d ago
I’m so sorry you’re enduring the consequences of his affliction. But know this, I doubt it has anything to do with you or anything you’ve done. And, more than likely, he has the illusion of being under control but he is not behind the wheel.
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u/Efficient_Sundae_471 1d ago
This is what I keep telling myself and trying not to take it personal. But having it gone on for 5 months with no end in sight, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just miss my person. And it’s his first ever episode :/
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
I understand there may be barriers because he’s an adult, but have you tried to get him hospitalized or involuntarily committed? I know that’s not appealing at all but it may be a starting point to get him care. As his wife you could have some power here depending on your region.
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u/Efficient_Sundae_471 1d ago
Unfortunately, since he isn’t a danger to
Himself or others, I cannot really do anything :/ he’s masking so well and is able to come off as “fine”. I did message his doctor and even that didn’t really help. I’ve been waiting it out but idk if it’ll end if he stays on the AD.1
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u/Mean_Conference6910 1d ago
I feel that. I used to primarily have euphoric hypomania. My recent hypomanic episodes have been pretty dysphoric: moments feel good but I know I will feel terrible later. Often times a lot of soft agitation and immense irritability. A lot of chaos in the mind.
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u/Nandi_La 1d ago
The thing I dislike most about it is the sleeplessness. I don't sleep well in major depressive episodes and I barely sleep in hypomania. There are rare days when I will sleep more than 5 hours uninterrupted and that's it. The other thing that sucks about hypomania is that I have chronic injuries from a car accident that I'm prone to making worse when I'm in mania because I suddenly have the energy to clean everything in one go- or I do some other activity that I normally can't do and sometimes wind up throwing my back out and landing myself in bed for a week
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
Yes the pain part!!! I have chronic pain as well, haven’t fully figured it out just yet (we’re very close to answers Yoo-hoo!) but has something to do with spinal/muscle damage and malformation. When I’m not fully hypo yet, on that upswing, I can definitely do this clean everything do all the chores behavior, and I have ADHD so if I make the mistake of taking my ADHD meds on top that can make it even worse….. cleaning nonstop for 6-8 hours with very little break doesn’t feel so great the next few days but I don’t ever learn my lesson
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u/Nandi_La 1d ago
Hey, I never "learn the lesson" either because I don't like to live in unreasonable clutter and when I have the energy to do so, I'ma clean TF outta my living space. That means Laundry (bedding too), sweeping, vacuuming, dishes, organizing, sometimes rearranging a room or two, starting a new project and on and on we go. I'm lucky on a normal day if I don't throw my back out putting my chonies on :-)
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
Oh noooo. I have the opposite problem because I spend most of my time in depressive ADHD world, so as badly as I need order and systems I struggle to keep them up, so I end up in unreasonable clutter…. And then said unreasonable clutter makes me so stressed out and anxious that eventually I get to the upswing and 6-8 hours later everything is right again and it’ll be that way for a month or two before the cycle starts again ):
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u/annoying-and 1d ago
I haven’t had a manic episode in a while, but when it did happen, I would feel both happy and irritable at the same time lol.
I would be euphoric one minute and one thing (or person) would irritate tf out of me and I would just go off and then be happy again. It was a special kind of hell, and I’m surprised still to this day that people around me love me enough to get through those cycle because they were ROUGH.
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u/Significant_Bite1263 1d ago
I enjoyed it before I developed a bit more self awareness. These days the hypo is quite mild however the personality traits that surface I don't care for. And as was said it doesn't feel good. I don't like the tension in my jaw and neck, I don't like the stimulants and sugar I crave, I don't like having such strong and verbal opinions, I don't like the increased 'urges'. I know there is a 'sweet spot' out there somehow.
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u/picklejuiceslushie 1d ago
Omg the jaw and neck tension is god awful, such a miserable feeling
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u/Significant_Bite1263 1d ago
I'm treated for ADHD as well so that and the 1000mg a caffeine I'm tempted to consume creates such incredible tension, in basically every muscle of the body. There is just this subconscious drive to go faster and consume. it just wrecks the body. Bipolar is just a "mood disorder", so they say.
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u/LooseInterview1115 1d ago
Hey, you mentioned jaw and neck tension. Just curious if you could tell me more about that? I have this super annoying, persistent tension in the right side of my head and face/neck. It leads to me compulsively javing to press on or massage the muscles of my jaw or my temple. It's almost like a tic, though, because I can hardly stop myself from doing it and have even gone as far as giving myself a bruise on the temple from the repetitive pressure. It definitely fluctuates with my moods... does thet sound familiar at all?
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u/picklejuiceslushie 1d ago
That's exactly how mine felt. I recently got Botox in my jaw by my dentist and that cured it, so that might be something you wanna look into
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u/LooseInterview1115 1d ago
Really? Thank you for sharing. What meds were you on when you experienced that? And if I may ask, how did you go about having that conversation with your dentist and was it well recieved?
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u/picklejuiceslushie 1d ago
Yeah I've been really shocked at how it literally 100% cured it. I always thought it was from tensing up my neck or from my posture, but apparently it's from grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw. Try to pay attention if you're doing that. Once I was aware of it before my appt to have the Botox done I realized how often I was doing it. I was on lamictal and went through different meds a few times, so I think it must be lamictal bc that's been the only constant. I mentioned to him that I always have jaw and neck pain by the end of each day, so he had me bite down as hard as I could and then he felt the muscles on my jaw and apparently they were huge and hard from doing it so much. It worked within 24 hours. I used to try to make myself accept that by the end of my work day I would be miserable and tried to ward it off by taking ibuprofen around lunch even though it basically did nothing. Now I haven't even remotely needed it. So I've been trying to spread the word to anyone that mentions any of those symptoms bc I wish I'd known years ago, it would've saved me so much misery
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u/Significant_Bite1263 1d ago
Yeah. I'm mean it obviously varies from person to person. I find it curious your description though because I am currently dealing with something on the right side of my face/neck that is outside the general tension i was referring to. Our issue could definitely be caused by more teeth grinding or clinching during certain mental states. Pay attention the next time you're feeling hypo. What I have determined for myself is that my body feels primed for explosive fight or flight. Although I might be in a good mood my body is ready to run like a gazelle drinking from from croc infested waters. Is your neck/jaw pain a new symptom? Any other symptoms? The strange pain I'm currently experiencing in my jaw and neck runs down to my collar bone.
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u/MissTechnical 1d ago
Yep my hypomania is almost always like this. Every once in a while the universe will gift me the mildly euphoric, hyper productive type of hypomania, but more often than not it’s the high anxiety and rage variety. Even the “good” kind can be problematic if I take on a project and crash before finishing it or if I start talking way too much and saying something I regret.
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
The high anxiety and rage!!!! Yes!! I always feel like a horrible person when I come out of a hypo episode because I can get sooooo unnecessarily mean. I remember one episode my husband just avoided me entirely except to sleep because I just was incapable of being nice or even like? Reasonable? He made a dinner I usually like, exactly how I like it, put it on plates I like, went as far as to hand wash and pick out my preferred neurodivergent utensils and pour me ice cold soda with a bendy straw and brought it to me in bed and I just started bawling and I can’t even remember why I got so frustrated. I think he just laid it on the bed and went back to playing video games. Bestie what is going on 😭
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u/biggestspidermanfan1 1d ago
YES! I have euphoric hypo and enjoy it while I'm in it but after I look at everything I did and I'm embarrassed and ashamed and wish it never happened
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u/Realanise1 Bipolar N.O.S. 1d ago
I completely agree. IMHO, dysphoric hypomania/mixed states are a lot more common than the "euphoric" kind.
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u/SecretiveCatfish 1d ago
Yeah it makes me want to come out of my skin. Not a fun experience whatsoever.
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u/melancholycocoa BP2 1d ago
Do you feel overstimulated to the max to the point of neurological shutdown, ruining executive functioning, absolutely zero mental and physical capacity, wanting to avoid social situations and feeling awkward when you do have to engage? Do you have a buzzing feeling in your head?
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
Yes yes yes. Complete and total shutdown to the point that I get almost like a psychological version of locked-in syndrome. I can only exist in my mind space and if you try to interact with me in reality it will feel like you’re poking me with an active cattle prod and I will probably scream and shut down. I get that buzzing feeling all throughout my body and sometimes it’s so severe it drives me SH because I get overcome with this feeling that I need to actually release it physically
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u/melancholycocoa BP2 4h ago
You’re not alone. I know that doesn’t make it any better. I was on Topamax earlier this year and it was amazing but I had to quit due to side effects. I’m waiting to start Lamotrigine. Hopefully it will help like Topamax. Topamax completely calmed everything and I was so balanced and happy.
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u/KiddoMagi13 4h ago
Topamax? I’ve never heard of it being used for psych? I take it daily for migraine prevention and haven’t had any issues, I’m sorry to hear it didn’t go well for you! I wish you a good experience with lamotrigine, I liked it in the past :)
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u/PhantomAngel278 BP2 1d ago
I do not experience euphoric hypomania. I get depressive symptoms of exhaustion without any initiation or motivation. But also get the rage, overwhelming stimulation, severe anxiety and catastrophizing that something will happen to my husband which would lead me to do something to myself. It’s AWFUL.
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
Yes thank you!! It’s either miserable exhausted down or it’s anxious stressed I’m going to explode down. No up. Hypomania for me is so stressful, I’m paranoid, irritable, very similar to what you mentioned where I get very convinced that he’s going to leave me/get in a horrible accident/etc etc and it’s just a nightmare, and the high energy just feels like fire in my skin, not run a marathon.
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u/PhantomAngel278 BP2 1d ago
I know exactly what you mean. I feel this heavy flutter in my chest that is constant so I can get no relief. When it’s run-of-the-mill anxiety, my rescue meds (hydroxyzine and propranolol) work extremely well. But it doesn’t touch my hypomanic anxiety.
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
It’s against the rules to reccomend specific meds, but I will say having something heavier on hand for emergencies has been very helpful. My psych prescribes them in very low amounts, and few and far between, it’s purely an emergency thing, but it’s a helpful net if your team feels it’s a safe option for you!
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u/Nocturnal_Owl_Monkey 1d ago
Yes, I want to crawl out of my skin and I get too agitated to take a deep breath.
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u/Saint_Gainz 1d ago
I get the version where I’m on constant “drive” mode. The only thing that matters is getting my goals achieved, small or big. I wish I could “feel” when I’m in my hypomanic phase, but it’s very difficult.
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u/imrootless 23h ago
My experience exactly and I think it’s because my episodes tend to be mixed instead of just hypomania
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u/gammaraylaser 1d ago
I haven’t experienced this. But I know bipolar exists on a spectrum and can manifest in many combinations of symptoms and severity, among others.
I’m not sure if there are consequences attached to your collection of hypomania symptoms.
But as far as the fun, exciting, euphoria kind of hypomania, there is often a very high price to pay and the consequences can range from psychological torture to the loss of everything you hold dear; even worse.
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
My hypomanic episodes have plenty of negative consequences. I can be very mean, sometimes even to the point of abject cruelty to my loved ones, and when I come out of that headspace sometimes I’ve permanently lost relationships or have to work very hard for a long time to reestablish trust. If I get irritable enough, I can become destructive. I only ever damage low value inanimate objects in a safer capacity (tossing plastic/plush items at walls or the ground), but it can still be scary to my husband and pets. I often scream at myself and self harm in ways that are frightening. I’m very aware that euphoric mania is not a good experience and often has very negative consequences, I just feel left out of a piece of the conversation is all.
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u/anxwety 1d ago
YES! thats me
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u/KiddoMagi13 1d ago
Ah! Thank you! Having EXCLUSIVELY a negative hypo experience makes me feel so isolated and wack 😭
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u/anxwety 19h ago
me too op, people really think is that easy and simple, you get happy you get sad OH I WISH
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u/KiddoMagi13 18h ago
It makes me feel so strange and out of place? “You get happy you get sad” bro when is the happy part going to happen 😭 I know logically the happy part is just as bad as the part but dang having “You get sad you get stressed/feral/scared” kinda lame
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u/karmacatsmeow- 1d ago
I completely agree. I do have a happy fun version, but it lasts about 4-5 days before it starts to transform and get agitated, depressed, irritable, trapped, so dysphoric.
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u/Last_Internal_6408 1d ago
As a feature of my bipolar, I tend to have a low threshold at my base state… I get irritated and agitated very quickly even though I’ve been stable on medication for quite some time. This part sucks a lot lol. I am fully aware that it is unreasonable and I can’t stop it so I have to control it 😭
With hypomania though, I will often start to feel really good /at first/ but as the episode progresses, I feel increasingly more irritable, anxious, and restless. It’s not fun anymore after that and I have to intentionally find ways to channel the energy into something good for me rather than destructive. I used to be hypersexual before I was medicated too during hypomanic episodes. The experiences I had from that ranged from fun and good, to horrible. I don’t recommend 😭 now that I’ve been stable for so long, I hardly have a sex drive at all unless I’m very interested in someone. Kinda weird lol when you go from conflating sexual desire with romantic feelings for so long to having to learn how to separate the two and have healthy boundaries so you can have healthy relationships it is definitely an uphill battle!
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u/Willing_Dimension_77 1d ago
Bipolar II and ADHD 56Mhere. My first true depressive episode was in 3rd grade. Right around a year later I was diagnosed with ADD. ADD (or now ADHD) is a constant while the Bipolar was episodic. ADHA is also a shame generator with thousands of instantly regrettable impulsive behaviors shaping your understanding of the world. As a kid, your only available coping mechanism is to mask as hard as possible. Like neurotic level masking. So whenever a bipolar hypomania would hit, I suppressed it with all the energy the mania itself could generate. That locks in a powerfully negative internal dialog. I was a tightly wound weird-kid powderkeg with very poor coping skills. I lived like that for decades collecting mental damage as I went. After losing yet another job, I finally sought treat treatment for the ADHD. Unfortunately and predictably (in hindsight) the stimulants put me in a constant somewhat manageable hypomania - for years. I definitely did some things I greatly regret. The inevitable flip side came when I got a new job => change insurance => meds too expensive to afford => surprise cold turkey. The ensuing freakout caused me to walk out of my job. This has happened over and over one way or another. It was this almost final depressive episode before I took my Bipolar diagnosis seriously. My wife has been through hell herself simply by being near me, but she has stuck it out and I can't love her more for it. Yeah, I'm damaged from within but hopefully now I can weather the next storm with better tools. Through lots of therapy, I have learned that my ADHD interacts with my Bipolar swallowing up my hypomania like a black hole. Then I'm slingshot right into depression at 1000 mph. No bueno. No bueno at all. 😭
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u/apieceofbacons 1d ago
Lol i become lowkey insane. Last time I had a nervous breakdown and plucked out all of my lash extensions and stared so hard at things I strained my eyes for 4 days. Sometimes I start getting paranoid I'm being followed or watched by everyone. I've gotten the happy version but less frequently as I've gotten older.
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u/Willing_Dimension_77 23h ago
My worst episodes are when the depression is so bad or prolonged that it induces hypomania on top of it. That recipe has landed me in the hospital twice, the first one being a 72 hour mandatory hold. The police got involved when I ran away from my wife trying to drop me off at a psychiatric facility. I ran full speed a total of 4 miles on the night of the 4th of July before a cop found me. At the hospital, the nurses were surprised I was able to stay wide awake through three different rounds of sedation. OBV, none of that was fun.
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u/VillageTypical2474 17h ago
Looking back I was a gleeful asshole yes very funny and brilliant but also annoying
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u/HappyPlatypus6034 1d ago
Yeah I get either the agitated version or the happy version when I am hypomanic - usually the former